Flash
by allekto
Summary: angsting Daisuke has been absent for 7 years- and yeah, he had reasons. yaoi, lots of cussing, overdone storyline. it's done. forever & ever- COMPLETE!
1. Prologue

Notes: there are so many of these stories out there… here's to adding one more to the list. Daisuke is bitter about life- and with the things I'm about to put him through, I can't say I blame him.

Warning(s): yeah, this will probably have some shounen ai and/or yaoi and a lot of cussing on Daisuke's part

Disclaimer: don't own it, never have, never will

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Flash

God damn this life is hell. Can't someone cut a guy a little slack every once in a while? Yeah, I know the 'saving the world' bit is a little tired but it's true. But everything is just so upside down right now, I just need some time away from all of this to let my mind settle. And no one seems willing to understand or accept that fact. Try as I might, I just can't get through to some people.

It feels like everything is free floating- caught in zero gravity, maybe. And I'm waiting for it all to come crashing back down. Perhaps I spent so much time playing hero that I forgot my purpose. I mean, somewhere in my mind I knew that being something so precious as a Chosen couldn't last forever, not in a physical sense. Spiritually, I will always be a Digidestined. Nothing can take that capacity away from me. But it's just… I don't know. I feel like I don't know anything anymore. Here I am, home once again, back in the place where I should feel safe, but where I really feel anything but. Who am I kidding though? This all started a long time ago… 

I thought I had people I could depend on, that would be there for me whenever I needed them. I guess I was a fool. Don't think I didn't hear what they said about me. Every last fucking word- I heard it all. And I'm not so stupid that I just decided to pretend I didn't notice. Something like that is impossible to miss. Believe it or not, I'm not stupid. For some reason people seem to write me off as a childish oaf who can't understand anything. Why? How the hell should I know? Oh yeah, I heard everything they said. But it isn't like I'm so desperate for friends that I ignored it and played happy just to save face. Despite whatever they might think, I'm not so pathetic that I have to rely on the opinions of others to validate my own self-worth. Yeah, big words from the dumb guy, huh? But, that's just it. I know what they think, I know how they feel, I've heard what they said, and I just don't fucking care. I've got emotions- don't think I didn't get angry the first time I heard Miyako laughing at me. Shit, I nearly beat her half to death. It took a lot of strength on Chibimon's part to keep me from storming in and ripping that oh so fucking pure little bitch's face right the hell off. Then I thought about it and something clicked inside my mind.

The universe works on it's own system based upon scientific principles, most of which are too grand for the human mind to comprehend. However, though the organisms that exist on this planet all effect one another in some way, humans always strive for a perfect, harmonious reaction. They strive for a situation that will please everyone but at the same time, most importantly, please themselves. Well guess what, it doesn't exist. Though it's entirely plausible for a person to balance on the fine line between selfish and selfless, it's damn near impossible to be both in everything that will come up in life. And yeah, it is hard work. But it's called work for a reason- it sure as hell isn't called fun, now is it? No.

Perhaps there's just too much stuff whirling around in my brain for things to come out right. But the thing is, for some completely mind boggling reason, I can't find it in myself to really care what the other Digidestined think of me. I'm not alive for their amusement or personal satisfaction. The purpose of life is not to make the Chosen Ones happy. Sorry kids, but I haven't got time for that. Sure I'm bitter and all but that doesn't mean I hate my life. In fact, it's quite the opposite. After everything I've seen and done I can still smile and be content with myself. For a short time I was a hero who helped others save two worlds from darkness and pain, but even I know that just because I helped protect the world, the world doesn't owe me anything. There isn't a whole lot I would ask for anyway.

I just want those I care about to be happy. Sounds simple enough doesn't it? Here's hoping. Maybe that's why I got the Digimental of Friendship. Yamato wasn't very helpful when I tried asking him about it, but then again, he's always a bit of a crankass. Seriously though, the people I care about deserve to be happy. People who have been through hardship, pain, loss, torment, self-deprecation, fear, revelation, change… Why can't they see that? The world may not owe them every joy that exists, yet that doesn't mean they shouldn't be happy. Instead they play games against one another like it's some sort of cosmic joke. Unreal. Every moment they have together is a gift that they choose to ignore. But, it's not my place to judge. 

Truthfully, yeah I wish they hadn't said some of the shit they said. Sometimes it hurts. Knowing that the people I care about couldn't give a damn about me- even members of my own family. Sure, I said that it's best for someone to be selfless and try to make the best of the time they're given. But I never said _I_ was perfect. Few humans rate a tag such as perfection. And yeah, I can think of a few, one in particular, but I'm not going there right now. He hurt me too. Just like everyone else. When I was so sure he was different…

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The streetlights illuminated the soft silk of his hair, making him shine. If only that one moment of pure silence could last forever and we could be in each other's arms. There are too many "if only"'s in life. 

Those gentle eyes looked at me once I stepped back from our hug. I'm sure he was probably wondering why I would be so enthusiastic about this sort of thing. Of course, my words never betrayed the pain that I felt. Giving him a congratulatory hug on his official relationship with Miyako. He never saw how sad I was about the whole thing. I held him then because I could, because I knew it would be the last chance I would ever have. His new girlfriend had certainly seen to that.

"What was that for, Dai?" His voice floated through me, tugging at places a voice would never normally reach.

"The hug? Well, you're happy aren't you? I mean, I know you've been wanting to get together with Miyako for a while now. I just wanted to congratulate you is all," I shrugged. There was a gentle touch at my shoulder preventing my escape from the conversation.

"Thank you," he replied quietly. "You don't know how much your support means to me. Of anyone, I thought you would be the most opposed to my relationship with Miya-chan." There was a distinct sparkle in his eyes when he said her name. Enough of a sparkle to bring tears to my own eyes.

"Ken, your happiness is what's important. She and I have had our differences, but that's no reason for me to act like a child and say you shouldn't date her. I just hope she can put aside her dislike of me, or at least learn to…" When I turned my face away, I realized that he never even knew I was crying. "You know we'll always be friends, Ken," my voice was shaking, but that was just another thing he didn't notice. 

"You're right, Dai. I should've remembered that you are the Successor of Friendship. Only you would be able to do this for someone else." The silken darkness of his hair swayed as he shook his head, smiling. "It's one of the reasons why I care about you so much."

If he hadn't said that I would have been fine. Everything would have been okay. I could have gone on my merry way, but no, he had to go and be a perfectly romantic guy. And FUCK that wasn't fair! As I coughed to conceal my emotions from him, I could hear him laugh. Right then, I had the most awful thought I think I've ever had. I'm not the only one that makes Ken laugh like that. I'm not the only one he smiles for. With all that I've done for him, I'm not the only one he thinks of. No one thinks of me. Not Ken, not my family, not my friends. Something broke that day, some invisible piece of my soul that I thought was going to be there forever.

We shared a few more sentiments and departed, each off for our own reasons. Walking away from him, I let the tears fall. It sucks being Daisuke Motomiya…

After that, everything changed. Nothing could touch me anymore. I stopped caring about everything- not just about the opinions of others. So I had a few problems, who fucking cared? It occurred to me later that I was being a selfish jerk thinking all that stuff while Ken was being so open and honest with me. But what can I say? Oh fucking well.

I think that's why I left though. Everyone just kept pushing me down or pushing me away. All the patience I had learned to build went right out the window. None of them really treated me like something remotely human. We would have these parties and I would sit by myself and watch as the others laughed it up, shared their secrets. Before Ken and Miyako got together, he would sit with me, we would laugh together. But then, Miyako came and broke that up. I would sit alone and watch the two of them shine. They lit up the lives of everyone they knew every time they walked into a room. As they smiled, the air around them would shatter in awe. Or maybe that was just me. Probably.

Any group gathering of Digidestined always lead to an inevitable anxiety attack on my part. I would sit at the edge of a picnic table or a blanket watching as they talked like I was never there. Then I would feel it- the first subtle throb in my chest, followed by a quake across my vision. They never saw what happened after that because I always excused myself. Polite, even though I hurt so much and wanted to ask them when they had stopped caring. I guess I was afraid. Don't get me wrong, I'm aware of all that Digimental bullshit. Allow me to be honest though. Just because I have the egg of Courage doesn't mean I'm overloaded with self-confidence. There is a difference between the two. It's hard though, when people you thought you could trust just start to ignore you. People who I was willing to share so much of myself with- threw it all back in my face like I was just so much trash. You know what I say to them? Fuck that.

So, I took off after graduation. Didn't leave notes for my parents, nothing for Jun, but I called her later. And, of course, I left nothing behind for them. I took Chibi and my D-terminal, but not my digivice. They would be able to find me too easily. Shit, they could email me until the world ended, it made no difference to me. Naturally, they did email me. A lot. I finally had to turn the thing off so I could sleep at night. I didn't feel guilty, just irritated. They ignored me when I was around, but the second I left they wouldn't leave me alone. Maybe all I wanted was some peace and quiet, they didn't know. It was rough for a while, but I managed.

At first, I was sleeping on the streets- not as scary as you might think. I had Chibimon to protect me. Without a source of income or anything I tried running for a little while. And I don't mean physically running. Despite their stern demeanor and overall scary background, the yakuza pays pretty well. Pushing only gets you so far though. Prison didn't seem too appealing either. When I got sick of it, they did let me go. I owe a few favors, that when they're finally called in I might have to give up my identity for, but they let me out. Since I never stole anything from any of the overlords they were pretty nice to me. Besides, I know they can find me and kill me if they want to at any time. Sometimes it's comforting. A way out when I need one.

Once I gave up running though, life changed again. Thankfully enough I had managed to stay away from using all the shit I kept selling. Despite that fact, there were still certain individuals who knew me, knew my face. A few of them had requested my company for other activities. When I heard about that I skipped town. Shit- not just the town, I skipped the country. Getting Chibi through customs wasn't as hard as I thought it was going to be either. Hong Kong was nice for a while, but it was still too close. India was a good place to hide, but there were Digidestined there who stood out in a crowd, and they knew who I was. After bouncing a couple more times I landed in America. The good old U.S. of A. Opting to avoid the cities where I knew kids from my previous adventures, I hit Boston with a vengeance. It's a pretty town. There was a lot of fun to be had there, but like all times of partying it had to come to an end. Especially when, a couple years down the line, I realized that I was stuck in a serious rut. I mean a hardcore, not going anywhere anytime soon R-U-T. 

So, I packed it all up again and collected some money a few people owed me and departed. Decisions, decisions- sometimes they come back to bite you in the ass no matter how hard you work at keeping them away. Chibi missed the Digital World and, as painful as it was to admit, I missed Tokyo. Shit, I missed Japan on a whole. The lights and sounds on the streets of Odaiba, the pacific aura around Kyoto… not to mention the beaches. It had been seven years since I left. Seven long years. In the grand scheme of things it's hardly any time at all. But after all the hellacious things I had put my body through it felt like the better part of a decade that went by without rest. Which is all sorts of ironic since rest was what I left the country for, what I sought out. A few more months passed while I tired to get the balls to go back. Things would be different- they had to be. Jun had kept me fairly well informed of the goings on of my old "friends" until I had hit Boston, and then I stopped calling her. Collecting the few wits I had left I gave her a call and was surprised when she was actually glad to hear from me…

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"Moshi moshi, Motomiya Jun speaking," her voice still rang the like golden peal of a bell.

"Hey Jun," I was soft, hesitant. "How's things on the Pacific side?"

Silence for a few moments, then.. "DAI?!! Is it really you? Where are you? Is everything okay? Two years, Dai! Two whole fucking years! Where in the hell have you been?!"

Smiling on the other end of the line at her antics, I listened while she ranted for a couple minutes. "I've been in the States actually. Hit Hong Kong for a while too before, but I think I talked to you before then so you knew where I was. Listen, Jun, I'm thinking of coming home. I was just wondering what the situation is like in the homeland- whether I'm a welcome face or not."

This time the silence stretched on much longer. A yawning pit of anxiety began to open in my belly. Something just wasn't kosher about all of this. "Jun? You still there?"

Finally, a voice, "Hai, Daisuke. I'm still here. As for coming back, that's a risk you'll have to take. I honestly couldn't tell you what everyone's up to or how welcome you'll be. You're obviously more than welcome to stay with me. There's a couple new faces you need to meet and greet. The others though… I don't know. I kind of started avoiding them after a while, Dai."

The others. The Destined. "And why is that?"

I think there were pins dropping on the other end of the conversation. I could hear them clearly. "It was hard, Daisuke. Just come home and you'll see what I mean."

Implications of all kinds swam through my cerebral cortex. "Jun?" There was an edge in my voice. "What do you mean it was hard?" Swallowing past something I couldn't define I clenched and unclenched my hands. Because I didn't know what it was like for things to be difficult? Oh no, of course not. That wasn't why I left or anything. The air was dead in the earpiece of the phone. Silent. "Jun?"

"Just come home, Dai. Come home…"

Of course, I listened to her. Not to mention the fact that I missed her terribly. And I sincerely thought that after all that time I could handle it- seeing him again. I was prepared. Jun told me he was married, told me who he married. Perfect Miya-chan and Ken. I'm sure theirs was a life a marital bliss. Two screaming brats and a third on the way. Sounds like Miyako just turned into a baby making machine after they got married. Any excuse to stay home, I guess. All right, so I tried not to be bitter. Really, I tired. But after everything she said and did it hurt me a great deal. Whether she was soul-bound to him or not made little difference. She broke the bond I had with him. Friends- the best of friends no less- torn apart by jealousy and the simple inability to have a civil conversation. Am I really that hard to talk to? I like to think not.

So, once more I boarded a plane to cross intercontinental lines. Chibi in tow, I made my way back to the place I had run from for seven years. Time was catching up with me. Karma slapped me across the face. Habits were coming back. Old memories started to flicker through my brain. And one in particular stood out… 

__

We were thirteen then, nearly fourteen. Maturity was starting to seep through the cracks much to our chagrin. Still, we would spend weekends together on those sleepovers. So funny that it's an innocent act until you reach a certain age. But then, he and I were never entirely innocent to begin with.

The moon hung like a silver ball over the skyline of Tokyo. Gazing out my window I heard a soft voice behind me. Ken. He was murmuring in his sleep. Turning to him I knelt by his side, smoothing the hair away from his sweat dampened forehead. Nightmares still plagued him after all these years. The death of his brother never quite cleared from his conscience. 

"Ken," I whispered, "it's okay. It's just a dream."

Startled violet eyes snapped open and met my own. His breathing was heavy, nearly sobbing. And he looked so frightened. Eyebrows furrowed together in question he looked at me and I offered him a gentle smile.

"You were having another nightmare," I whispered. "It seemed like a bad one. You got pretty loud."

"Shit," he muttered. "I didn't wake you did I?" I just shook my head. "Good." He paused for a few moments regaining his grip on reality. As we sat there in the silver glow of the moon I knew he was watching me.

Wanting to break the silence I said the first thing that came to my mind. "Was it the one where you were in the street? Or the one where you were blowing bubbles? You know, maybe you were right. Maybe you should get help for them. I guess there is only so much I can do. I mean, we both know I want to help you in any way I can, Ken-"

"It wasn't a nightmare," he whispered. "It was something else." Cheeks turning red he looked away.

"Oh?" My eyes followed him from where I was crouched on the futon he always used. It took a minute, but I caught on. "Oh," I said quietly. "I see." Giving him a smirk I decided to be daring. "Anything you want to share? Probably about Miyako, huh? I've seen the way you watch her…"

"She's a lot like you, Dai," he murmured. "Like a female version of you, actually. Almost exactly like you." His voice all but dropped away. "Almost…"

Sometimes I wonder if I really am an idiot. Because I should have known it then- what he was trying to say. In fact, I did know it. But I just couldn't bring myself to deal with it. My best friend, the one I wanted, trying to tell me how he felt and I talked right over him. Because the way he said it… I knew then that he would never fully admit to things. That if anything ever happened it would be like some sort of dirty secret to him. So I let it go. Funny though, I forgot about that night after a while. He must've forgotten too. I would sometimes wonder if he ever thought about me in the later years. Thoughts of him, dreams, memories, they all but ate me alive.

When I got to the airport I was still wide awake- the fine buzzing from jet lag brewing in my skull. Terminal after terminal, I walked to get my things- only one bag. I saw Jun and we hugged each other so tightly. She told me to get my shit and she would be outside waiting with the car. Nodding I went to get my luggage and my world stopped. Dress pants and a button down shirt, hair combed meticulously neat, same angles to the cheekbones- every movement one of fluid grace and poise. When the head turned I saw those eyes that had haunted my dreams for seven years. Violet, they glimmered like ice in their perfection. Ken Ichijouji, we meet again.

*************

So, I'm crazy. I can barely get through "Shinwa" and then I start this up. Oops… remember this is only the prologue. More to come. It's reminiscent of the first fic I posted, but without the holiday theme. Ah the reunions, the laughter, the tears! The author-- on crack! Review if you want…


	2. 1

Notes: first off, let me apologize for crazy tense changes in the prologue- present to past and it got all confused. I had wanted to edit that before it got posted but then decided to say 'screw it all' and post the thing. Although I'm not sure how this is going to turn out, I hope you all enjoy reading it at the very least. This fic makes for some fantastic anger management.

Warnings: anger, grrrrrr, shounen ai/yaoi, Daisuke being a bitch, Ken being a Queen, & Miyako being a princess.

Disclaimer: I don't own 'em, I just like to mess with 'em.

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Flash- 1

Ken Ichijouji, we meet again…

Part of me hates to admit it, but he looks fantastic. Amazing even. Son of a bitch this isn't fair! Why did he have to be so damn hot?! Taking a breath I step forward towards baggage claim. Have to get my one measly bag after all. The air in my lungs comes to a halt- I'm hoping he won't see me. Stepping up to the conveyor belt I grab my bag. Seems there are still gods somewhere that like me. My luck holds. He doesn't see me and I'm free to go. 

Turning to head for the door I shift past him. Yeah, that's me- Motomiya Daisuke, master of stealth. Actually, with all the drug running I did get pretty good at it… But that's neither here nor there. Man it hurts so much seeing him. Time only makes him more beautiful, more refined. And yeah, now that I'm really thinking about it, I wish he _would_ see me. Notice me, noticing him, just like it always used to be. The first flickerings of long buried desire and heartache start flaring in my chest. Nothing like the memory of pain to burn a nice ulcer into your stomach cavity. Dammit, why didn't he notice me? Thoughts churning in my brain cut off all sound from the outside world, but at the edge of my hearing I catch it. This soft whisper. 

"Oh my god. I think I'm hallucinating! It can't be. It just can't!"

I guess he saw me after all. Shit. Cut and run time- after all, it's what I do best. Picking up pace I stalk to the doors and I'm almost clear of the building. Then I hear another voice.

"You probably are seeing things, Kenny, darling. It couldn't be him. One of the others told me he died about a year ago. Some drug overdose or some bullshit like that."

While his exclamation of shock registers with me, as does his subsequent outburst of anger with his wife, I can't help but feel bile rising in my throat. But I keep pushing through the doors. If I let it get to me then I'll turn around. If I turn around I'll go back inside. If I go back inside I'll probably kill her. No, wait… fuck probably, I know I'll kill her. That miserable bitch! How could she just lie to him like that? Still, an even better question: why in the fuck does he still put up with her?

Outside I spot my sister's car and throw open the passenger side door. After whipping my bag into the back seat and strapping in for some good, old fashioned Jun Motomiya homicidal driving I spear her with a look. "Did you know he was going to be there?"

Her large copper eyes blink, the picture of innocence. "Who?"

Automatically I feel an eyebrow go up. "The Dali Lama," I spit out. "KEN! Who the hell did you think I meant?" In an effort to get a grip I try pushing the heels of my hands into my eye sockets. Doesn't work, but I do start seeing some pretty groovy looking spots. "Seriously Jun, did you know he would be there?"

She shakes her head slowly. The once huge mop of hair is now tamed, pulled into a neat braid. "No," she replies quietly. "You know if I had known that I would've told you to wait another day or hauled your ass out of there a lot faster."

I consider her words for a minute. "You've got a point." And it's true. She would have. 

After I left I finally had to admit that in spite of all my griping about her, Jun was really a very good sister to me. Of course, by the time I had this epiphany I was already working for the yakuza and I didn't really want to get her all tangled up in my mess. I called her and apologized for not realizing it sooner. True to her awesome nature she was very forgiving. In the following years I sent her money, some for her and some for accounts I still held. She's never asked where the money came from and I doubt I'll ever tell her. Jun really does rock though. All that time I thought she was talking shit about me just like everyone else. Really, she was defending me as best she could. Since she said things had gotten "difficult" with the other Chosen, I'm wondering how this little death rumor got started. Who would've started telling the others I was dead? Miyako- as big a bitch as she is- wouldn't have the balls. The maroon haired witch should know that if my sister ever found out about half the things she's said about me that she would suddenly find it extremely difficult to breathe, much less speak.

After mulling over this point for a few minutes I speak again. "So, who told the others I was dead?"

Copper eyes go saucer-wide. Oops… guess she didn't know either. "Who said _what_?" The normally golden voice turns icy, even dark. It's in the space of a few heartbeats that she calms herself enough to ask, "What happened in the airport, Dai?"

"Ken and family were there. I tried to avoid him but I think he saw me. Granted, part of me wanted to see him. But I was still hoping he wouldn't see me." Air is a much needed thing, so I pause and she cuts me off.

"That's a load of horse shit. You were so hoping he would see you. I still don't understand why you never told him. He never would have married Miyako if he had known." The words are quiet, filled with a shimmering tension.

There's this stinging sensation in my eyes that takes me a few seconds to identify. Once I figure it out I swipe it away but not before I realize I'm caught. "Had something in my eye," I mutter.

"Sure you did," the words are laden with sarcasm- enough to make me wince.

I scowl at her, but it recedes quickly enough. Oh those melancholy memories… Maybe I'm a masochist. I feel the need to relive every painful experience I've had relating to him…

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Our Junior Prom. He went with her of course. I sat on the sidelines, my date all but forgotten about, and watched as they spun across the dancefloor. Every time they kissed I felt a stab of jealousy and wished I could have been the one in his arms. Funny thing though, I thought I was being pretty good about all of it, but my date noticed. When I dropped her off she looked at me with her large, sad eyes.

"If you care for her so much you should tell her," her voice was gentle and silky.

"Who?"

"Miyako," she replied with a twinge of pain. "I saw how you were watching her. I just wish you had told me. It doesn't matter much because I knew this wasn't a serious thing and all…" Her words faded away.

Watching her blink so quickly I felt like such a fool. Here was this girl who was so willing to befriend me, willing to even put up with me after all the stupid shit I had done. Putting a hand under her chin I tilted her face up and kissed her cheek so delicately. "Mimi, you've got to be one of the coolest, most awesome girls alive. And you have every right to hate me for this, but it wasn't Miyako I was watching."

Amber eyes flicked down and up again as she thought. Even though everyone else considered her to be a ditz I had always had a soft spot for the pink haired cutie. Mimi was so much fun and so full of energy. She was a lot of things, even insightful as hell, which could be scary sometimes. What she said next shocked the hell out of me though.

"You mean, it's not just me?"

Wait just a minute now… Was my date about to horn in on my territory? "You like Ken?"

I think the bewilderment was pretty clear in my voice because she laughed so hard she was practically in tears. "Oh honey-honey, I know you're smarter than that! While you were drooling over Ken I was watching Miyako! Damn, I thought I was the only one." She threw her arms around me in a too tight hug. 

We spent the rest of the night gushing about our crushes and nearly crying over how lonely we were…

Beyond the Prom, on graduation day I watched as Miyako came flying into the assembly hall. There were tears on her cheeks and at first I thought my dreams had come true. Then I realized what she was doing. She was proudly displaying the ring Ken- MY Ken- had given her. They were engaged. They were going to get married. I thought I was going to die.

As I stood apart from the group I heard someone behind me clear their throat. Sighing in absolute defeat I turned to him. "Congratulations, Ken. You got what you always wanted. The perfect friends, the perfect girlfriend, perfect parents, and now you'll have a perfect future and a perfect marriage. I hope it makes you happy." And I walked away while he stood there, mouth hanging open in shock. Part of me was dying. Something I thought I had lost years before was slipping away, rotting from the inside out. The other half of my soul was lost forever to Miyako, and I was never going to get it back.

On my way out I literally ran into Mimi. She was so excited about seeing everyone graduate and was full of smiles and light. With the distance between the States and Japan and our busy schedules we hadn't had much time to talk, but I knew she was still desperately in love with Miyako. Still, even though I despised the thought of seeing someone so pure be put through so much pain I couldn't tell her. But I made up my mind right then. I gave her a hug and whispered a good-bye in her ear. And I walked away, trying not to care about how hurt she looked.

When I got home I tore off my graduation suit and threw on my regular gear. Grabbing some extra clothes I stuffed them into a gym bag trying so hard not to cry. Finally I had to stop and sit on the edge of my bed where I sobbed for a while. There were pictures of my adolescence all over the room. Framed moments of time where Ken and I were best friends and nothing could come between us. I even had a shot from a street fair where I shocked the hell out of him by kissing his cheek. Grabbing my bag and Chibimon, I looked at the picture one last time and threw it in the trash, frame and all. And I walked away…

I glance at Jun as she continues to speed across the city of Tokyo. Damn, I had almost forgotten some of that stuff too. As I try not to sniffle I explain myself to her, even though I'm perfectly aware that I don't have to. "He never would have truly loved me like I love him, Jun. Even if we had been together it would never have been the way I wanted. Maybe it wouldn't have been how he wanted it either, but I think his parents would have put a stop to anything between us pretty quick. His mom's always had this need to enforce her sense of reproduction on her remaining son ever since Osamu died. Ken always tried to do what made his parents happy."

That's when we hear a little voice pipe up from the back seat. "Well, that's stupid." Chibi pushes his way out of my bag, coughing a bit as he does so. "Why would Ken run away from it? He's supposed to be some sort of genius even without that spore thingy, right? So what's the deal?"

My sister squeals in delight and skids to an immediate halt. "Chibi!! I missed you almost more than Dai!" Squealing some more she grabs my Digimon and almost chokes the poor creature to death with a loving embrace. After a few moments of blind adoration she stops and looks at the little blue bundle. Innocent crimson eyes blink at her, wide, alert. "Christ, you never get any older do you? Must be nice. But, damn, if you aren't the most adorable, gorgeous little blue… just exactly what are you anyway?"

Chibi starts to respond but then she scratches under his chin and he stops. "He's a dragon," I offer. "That actually came in pretty handy a few times too." In a move spawned entirely from jealousy I snatch my 'mon out of her hands and stick out my tongue. "Mine," I state with finality. "Now and forever, he's the only thing that is," my voice echoes with the jaded energy it seems to have acquired while I've been away.

A gentle hand runs through my hair- still short and spiky. "That's not true, Daisuke. You know I'll always be your sister."

"That's because you don't have a choice," I reply. My mood is rapidly turning sour. Too many memories of almost having him, of almost telling him, of almost being able to love him completely are swarming my brain. "Can we get going again?"

Copper eyes blink, pushing back gathering liquid. "Yeah," she says. "Sure," she starts the car again.

"Aw, Daisuke you know you'll always have me and Jun! And it's not cause we're supposed to stay with you and support you either." Chibimon nuzzles into my chest a bit trying to comfort me the only way he knows how. "I mean, if I wanted to I could've left you a bunch of times back when we were living here or in Hong Kong or even in Boston. But I didn't, did I? No! Because you're mine. You're my person and I love you, Daisuke. You know I always will too. Who cares about stupid Ken and his stupid Wormmon anyway?" With an adorable scowl he tries to fold his little arms. It doesn't work, but he manages to be the cutest thing I've ever seen. When I smile at him he licks my nose like a cat. "So there, dammit." I think if he had room to he would have stomped one of his little feet for effect.

I laugh then, even though I know he's partially serious. "Love you too, Chibi," I chuckle and place a kiss on the crown of his head. "And yeah, who needs stupid Ken and stupid Wormmon? We've got each other!"

Jun, who has somehow managed to be quiet this whole time speaks up. "I take it something happened with your Jogress partners…?"

The sudden flash of memory makes me shake. Too upset to speak I merely nod and look down but without really seeing anything. Chibimon pats my cheek and cuddles into me again. When he speaks his voice is muffled from my shirt.

"Wormmon said he wanted to try Jogressing with Hawkmon instead of me. He said if Hawkmon was supposed to be his human's mate then he should learn to Digivolve accordingly." The little blue chin begins to quiver as tears start to spill from his crimson eyes.

It is only through sheer divine luck that the car doesn't crash. "What in the fuck are you talking about?! Is that little insect on crack or something? What the hell does Ken feed him? And that's the biggest load of bullshit I've ever heard! What the fuck is wrong with those two?!" Ranting and raving she swerves amidst traffic eventually landing in a parking garage. Even as all three of us exit the car she's still going. "That little motherfucker! I'll kill him!"

"Jun," I dare to interrupt. "Calm down. It was a while ago. And I agree with you that it's bullshit. Wormmon probably only said it because Ken told him to. It didn't even sound like something he would say otherwise." Reaching back into the car I retrieve my bag still holding Chibi who eventually scrambles up to perch on my shoulder. "Look, Ken is fucked up something severe, okay? It's not worth trying to figure it all out. I tried a long time ago and all I ever got as a result was a broken heart. Let it go."

Hands on her hips, Jun glares. Energy crackles from her eyes. She's fuming, and it's obvious. Ken is so lucky he isn't anywhere nearby. "Fine," she says shortly. "He's officially fucking retarded as of this moment though."

I look at her. "Jun," I say, "he was officially 'fucking retarded' a long time ago." Hauling my bag with me a wait for her to point out where we're going. 

Turns out my sister has done pretty well for herself. She works for some public relations firm doing telecom stuff. It's crazy. However, she does live in a very nice apartment. It one of the most spacious places I've been in since my drug running days. Thankfully she got our mother's taste, even though I never stood a chance to inherit it being as I'm adopted and all. Shades of cream and gray are interspersed with touches of lilac and pale blue. Yeah, ooh… look at me, Motomiya Daisuke, interior design expert. One of the perks of liking guys, I guess.

Before we get too far into the apartment Jun pulls me aside. "Okay little brother," she says, "all jokes aside, we need to clean up our language. Remember how I said there were a couple new faces you need to meet and greet?" 

I nod. "Um, yeah…"

She smiles brightly. "Congrats, little bro! You're an uncle!" She shoves me into her living room. "Meet you niece, Yume, and your nephew, Tenshi!"

It happens. I start cracking up because I just can't control myself. Only Jun… "Cloud and Angel? Nice, Jun. I'm sure mom and dad _love_ that. What is this 1960's America?" She swats at me and lands a good punch on my upper arm. "Ow," I pout. "Is that any way to treat your brother after he's been gone for so many years?"

"It was your fault," Chibimon says brightly from his perch on my shoulder.

At the sound of foreign voices the children perk up. A new voice has entered their home and they seem eager to explore for the source. Running together they stop right in front of me and look up in awe. Sometimes I forget how much taller I've gotten since I was twelve. So, I squat down to their level. "Hello," I offer my hand. "I'm your Uncle Daisuke. Sorry I haven't been around before now."

The boy, who looks at me with large obsidian eyes, tilts his head quizzically. "Where have you been then Mister Daisuke?"

The picture of innocence. Man they're cute. "I travel a lot on business and stuff. If you like I can tell you about Hong Kong and the United States and even a few places in Europe!" Of course, I would never tell them about seventy-five percent of what I did while I was traveling. Jun would gut me if I did.

My niece tilts her head as well, cinnamon hair falls across her eyes obscuring them from my line of sight. "What do you do that you travel so much?"

"A lot of things," I reply with a shrug. "But that's mostly done with now. I think I'm going to be here for a while now." At this comment they both brighten instantly and quickly trap me in a rib cracking hug. But dammit they are so adorable! And I know I'm screwed now, because these kids are going to be so spoiled.

Their mother laughs and ushers them out of the living room. We're eating soon apparently. After she instructs them to wash up she turns to me with a wistful smile. "They've heard quite a bit about you."

My eyes roll. "I can only imagine some of the shit… er, stuff, you've told them." This not cursing thing is going to take some getting used to. "But they're both beautiful. How old?"

She beams at this. "Thank you. And they're twins. They'll be six in a few months." 

As happy as I am for her and as proud as she is I can't help but feel that there's something off. Those angelic faces looked familiar in ways that stem beyond family genetics. Oh damn… "Jun," my voice is so low I can barely hear it, "who's their father?"

Now she can't meet my eyes. When I grab her shoulder she turns away visibly trying not to cry. Instead of reprimanding her for whatever it is she's upsetting herself with I pull her into a comforting hug. If she had gotten married I would have heard about it when it happened. 

I'm reminded of another sad eyed young woman as I tip her face up to meet her gaze. "Who is their father, Jun?"

She has to say the name twice before I realize who she means. Oh Jun… No wonder she said things were so hard. "It's Koushiro," she whispers.

And I know there's more to it than that.

*************

oh yes, there will be more to this as well. I can't believe I got this part out in just another day. Hope you like the development. People are bitchy and Koushiro's the father of Jun's children- plot thickens! Feel free to review or criticize as necessary. ^_^ 


	3. 2

Notes: are we having fun yet? The angst! The plot twists! The general bitterness of it all! Seriously though, this story may end taking a turn for the mush- I'm trying to prevent that but sometimes they really do take on a life of their own.

Warnings: extreme profanity [no really, I'm not kidding], shounen ai/yaoi, Daisuke- angry & infatuated, Ken- married & in denial, Miyako- manipulative & emotionally distraught.

Disclaimer: not mine. It's supposed to be a "kids" show… so, I don't think they could do any of this stuff in that allocated format. This is geared more towards pay cable stations or satellite.

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Flash- 2

I'm awake. How do I know this? Because the ache is there. That gnawing pain in my heart where I've held my infatuation for one Ichijouji Ken for too many years. Pain that tells me to keep hoping because someday he'll open his eyes and see me- really see me. And he'll know how much he loves me. Me! Not Miyako, me.

Sorry. This is the bullshit I like to tell myself every morning. It almost makes dragging my ass out of bed easier. Almost.

I sit up and roughly rub a hand over my face. Maybe I can wake up without coffee today? HA! Not fucking likely. Rising, I glance at the mirror on the wall. Apart from growing taller and my body filling out accordingly, time hasn't touched me. My hair is still the same, my face… no, not quite the same. That constant uplift to my features vanished a while ago. No frown lines, just blankness. An empty place where some emotions should be, but instead there's nothing. Turning away I stumble for the door in the half-light of morning. The light is almost blue through the paper shades, and dulled enough that I'm not exactly sure what time it could possibly be.

In the kitchen I start to make coffee and almost begin breakfast when something occurs to me. Glancing at the clock I notice that it's only 6:15AM. Great. No wonder the world is so quiet right now. Although I'm sure the kids have school today I know they wouldn't be up and about yet. I still can't believe Jun didn't fucking tell me about that. She's got kids! Adorable little rugrats that look at the world with those wide, innocent, obsidian eyes. Eyes they each inherited from their father no doubt. Koushiro… I still can't believe it.

Shaking my head I abandon thoughts of solid food for breakfast and settle with my cup of coffee. Black- and no sugar, that taints it. As I sip at the steaming liquid I glance around the apartment. Pictures hang on the walls flashing familiar smiles. My sister has never been one to slight anyone no matter how much they may have hurt her. True to form, I spot a couple framed shots of my sister with her favorite redhead. No, not me. Well, maybe he's second favorite. I am her brother after all. Swiping the last remnants of sleep from my eyes I stretch and head towards the bathroom for a shower. On my way there I spot it- a quick shimmer of dark hair and a kind smile. Shit. Even when I'm in the comfort of family hands I can't escape him. Fuck.

The picture dates back to high school, just before he decided to fall in love with the Wicked Bitch of Japan. We were so happy then. We trusted each other without question or reservation. On the eight by ten glossy sheet the sun is shining and our eyes are dancing. He and I are glancing at one another, offering shy smiles. Funny. I never noticed that blush across his cheekbones before. No matter though. What's past is past. And that captured moment is at least a decade past. When I turn to keep on my small trip to the shower I notice a table beneath the framed shot… and I notice my sister's unique sense of decoration. It seems she likes to keep a little shrine to my memories for me. The picture. That one where I kissed him on the cheek- the one I threw out the day I left. Picking it up I bite my lip while liquid gathers in my eyes. Dammit, I swore I was done crying over this. Crying only makes me weak. Sounds die in my throat as I swallow them away when I hear the air shifting with the soft movement of footsteps behind me.

Her voice is quiet when it comes. "You found it, huh? I kept it just in case you decided you wanted it back at any point." There is silence between us for a few moments. "Guess you want an update on what's happened, right?"

I nod. "A shower first, then the catch-up session." As I pass by her I grab her shoulder quickly. "You've got some explaining to do."

Without waiting for her to reply I walk into the bathroom and shut the door. Slumping against the thin barrier of wood I try to remember what it feels like to breathe. With shaking hands I manage to strip down and turn the water on. Never one for sitting while bathing I stand and scrub down my mind racing at warp speed. How long has Jun been holding onto that picture? It must have been since I left. Yeah, she knows how I feel about the infamous former Kaizer- but I didn't think she knew then. I didn't tell her until I had a continent between us. Hands passing over my skin in the familiar movements of cleanliness I let my thoughts go to him. After all, who the hell knows when I'll have some privacy again. Skin like sugar and cream and indigo eyes like liquid sex… Oh yeah, just like that. Hitching a breath I whisper his name wishing it was his touch bringing me to orgasm. Not that I'm a virgin by any means, but seriously- should it all come down to it and Ken and I mystically, magically get it ON… Suffice it to say it'll be a quick first round. Because there will have to be more than one. I swear if he just touched any part of my bare skin at this point I'd cream my pants. My movements quicken to match my pulse… Forget even the blatant sex appeal of Ichijouji Ken, his personality alone was what made me fall so in love with him. All that sweetness- at all the right times, in all the right places. That Kindness and how willing he is to give _and_ receive. When I come there's a harsh gasp caught in my throat. I whisper his name again to the empty room before rinsing off and toweling dry.

Returning to my room I rummage through my bag and find some suitable clothes. Tugging on a pair of jeans I grab a shirt and put that on as I make my way to the living room where Jun is waiting. Her eyes widen as she watches the cloth fall, covering my skin.

"Damn, you're jacked, huh? Fucking ripped- when did that happen? And when the hell did you get all those tattoos?!" Her voice rises a bit and she puts a hand over her mouth. "How many of those fuckin' things do you have anyway?" Now she's whispering.

I think for a moment. "Seven total," my voice is empty. She only got glimpses of the two on my chest and maybe the one on my left upper arm. Twin dragons and kanji lettering of 'breath of heaven'. There's a silhouetted angel on my right shoulder blade in complete black, a string of haiku on my thigh and the symbols for courage and friendship on my lower back and left calf respectively. Yeah, it's a lot of ink. It marks me though. And Yakuza boys have to be marked. Tattooing is kind of like a rite of passage in drug territory. It seems memories of the "good old days" are running through my mind more and more as of late. Probably something to do with seeing Ken again. One glance at that ivory skin and I feel an urge to crush some pharmaceuticals and snort them. I think it's so I won't grope him or try to cram my tongue down his throat in full view of his loving wife. Although, that could be a lot of fun…

"SEVEN?!" Jun is shrieking, all worries of quiet pretense evaporating in the morning air. "You've got SEVEN TATTOOS?" Pausing a moment she collects. "Mom's going to be so pissed at you."

"I wasn't really planning on seeing mom and dad," my voice is deadpan. Really, they hadn't been incorporated into my plans. Jun was the reason for my visit. Well, that and complete morbid curiosity about whether or not I really am some sort of masochist. "But speaking of family shame…" My words fade and I wince. "Wrong choice of words. Sorry. But you know what I'm talking about."

Sadness fills her eyes in a rush of salinity. Eyelids blink and her head drops a little. "Yeah," Jun's voice is rough all of a sudden. "That was… a mistake," she begins slowly. "Right after you left things were hectic at first. I mean, it was… the rest of the 'Destined were clamoring for attention- asking all sorts of shit about what had happened. Ken was at mom and dad's every day asking if you had contacted any of us. Every day he would come in and…" she stops. Copper eyes study my face for a moment. "Are you sure you want to hear all of this?"

After a few moments of deliberation I nod. "Yeah. I don't think the condensed version would do me any good. Hit me with it all. Don't spare any details." Settling in I glance around and spot a box of tissue. I have a feeling I'm going to need it.

Clearing her throat, Jun continues. "So anyway, Ken came over every day. And every day he would cry for, just, hours. Crying about how much he missed you and how much he cared about you. How much you meant to him- how much your trust meant to him. Wormmon was always with him too. Let me tell you, seeing an insect cry is one of the weirdest things ever. So they showed up about eight nights in a row and then Mimi showed up too. Of all of them, it seemed like she understood. Don't get me wrong- she told me everything later, but keep in mind we've got seven years to cover here. Mimi comforted Ken and reminded him that he had a fiancee waiting for him at home. The look in her eyes was so sad…" The words stop for a moment. Jun coughs a bit and scratches her chin.

"After that Ken still came, but he didn't cry as much. But he was there every damn day like it was some sort of vigil. Dai, he kept coming for nearly three years until Miyako bitched and whined enough that he had to stop. Of course, then she popped out their first kid and the twins had already been born. None of them knew that though."

Silence descends like a blanket. I can see her eyes flickering back and forth. She looks so lost- almost like a child. Grabbing a tissue and I hand it to her and pat her shoulder. "It's okay Junny Jun," my voice is quiet. "You don't have to talk about it." But I know she will anyway. Something tells me she wants to get this burden off her shoulders.

"The first time he came to me it was like a dream. It had stormed that night and the streets were glistening. He just showed up on my doorstep asking if I had heard from you recently. To me it seemed like he was looking for any excuse to stop in. We talked for a little while. I never told him that you were calling me on a regular basis in those days. Sure enough, one thing lead to another and we wound up having sex." A smile peeks out through her pain. "Nerds must study how to please a woman in bed." Copper eyes rise, mischief obvious in their depths. "Koushiro was amazing in bed."

Trying not to laugh, I smother it with my hand and a desperate cough. "Yeah, he does seem like the type that would bone up and the necessary skills…" Jun lands a playful smack on my shoulder.

"You're such a twat sometimes," she laughs. "Anyway, things continued with him for a couple months. He wanted everything to remain a secret from the others and I should've known better. It felt like he was ashamed of me. Shit, he probably was, right? I mean, why would he ever fucking stop to give half of a rat's ass about me? Don't answer that- it's meant to be rhetorical." She points at me. "So, of course when I found out I was pregnant he wanted me to get rid of them. Can you believe it? Koushiro wanted me to have a fucking abortion!"

My eyes are on the verge of falling out of my head. "You're not fucking serious are you?" When she nods I have to take a deep breath. Quickly contemplating counting to ten I scrap the idea, knowing I'll probably have to count to a billion in order to calm down. "You know if I see that nerdy motherfuck anywhere I'm going to tear of his scrotum and jam it down his throat. _Fuck_, Jun! How have you put up with that shit from someone who's being such a little douchebag?"

"He pays well," she says simply.

I know my eyebrows are at my hairline when she drops that one. "He does what now…?"

Jun shrugs, so nonchalant about the matter. "He pays me to keep quiet. I make enough money from my job that I just dump everything he gives me into savings for Yume and Tenshi. They'll be pretty well off by the time they're ten. Of course, you realize I was ostracized from the group. Koushiro started telling them I was a slut and a junkie or some other bullshit. Hell, maybe he's the one who said all that shit about you too. Either way, the Digidestined want nothing more to do with me. I've run into them a few times and done my best to be a shining example of purity- especially for Miyako." Jun pauses and sniffles for a moment thinking about my nemesis. "She's such a cunt," she mutters.

"I'll second that motion." Raising my coffee cup I salute her and take a swig. Something still feels a bit off kilter about all of it though. Like there's something missing. "Is that everything, Jun?"

She shakes her head and motions to the hall behind me. "No, but the rest will have to wait. The twins are up and will be out here soon. You and I both know once this conversation gets going at full throttle we'll be talking so much shit we won't know when to stop. Best not to have the chillin's present for that."

"Chillin's? You're such a dork."

Jun puts one hand on her hip and gives me the finger with the other. Sauntering to the kitchen she assembles breakfast and the rest of our morning passes without event. At some point close to noon, Chibimon rolls out of his stupor. His eyes look glassy, so I know he's been crying in his sleep. He was probably dreaming of Wormmon and becoming Paildramon again. I stoop to pick him up and have to have him repeat what he's saying about five times before I understand.

"I miss him, Daisuke," Chibi whispers into my chest, trying not to cry. "I miss them both so much."

*************

Alright, so maybe this chapter is a little crappy. But I wanted to update and this gets the job done. I may rework it in the future. Review or criticize, as you like. 


	4. 3

Notes: ok, here's the thing… This chapter took so long to post because I've been working on Shinwa- per the request of readers and stuff. Sorry, but I'm only human, after all and I can't get 'em both done at once. Wish I could, but both of these stories take some time and focus. However, this particular storyline has been mapped out entirely so the chapters should come a little sooner from now on…

Warnings: oh the pain of unrequited love! Daisuke is a foul-mouthed former drug runner! Ken is in a terrible marriage and unwilling to admit he's sexually attracted to men! Miyako is just being all kinds of bitchy! Jun… well, she's a special case, but damn if she's not the most fun character to write ever. There's yaoi… yuri… standard things from me.

Disclaimers: own them? Me? HA! The Devil you say…

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Flash- 3

Walking down the streets I look around in curiosity. It's been so long since I was last here. Seven years is a lot of time. Maybe not in the grand scheme of all things Universal, but to human life it is a lengthy stretch. Especially since it means I've been away from home and familiar faces that long. Of course, a familiar face isn't always a friendly face. But, friendly or not I would like to see some of my old cohorts. Just to see what they're up to if nothing else. Although Koushiro might want to run for the hills. I swear if I see that little bastard…

See, the thing is, I did sort of keep tabs on some of the goings on in the greater Tokyo Bay area. Not by talking to Jun, but through my own sources. For example, I know that Yamato and Sora are married but that the wife is screwing around and has quite a few fine pieces of ass on the side. Yamato, surprisingly enough, has remained faithful. Maybe it's that whole astronaut thing, I really don't know. Yeah, Yamato- an astronaut. Putting a blond into orbit… kinda creepy. Only joking. I like to tease him excessive amounts, even if it's only a mental thing. Jyou did become a doctor after he finally managed to not pass out at the sight of blood. Takeru and Hikari sort of wandered into oblivion for a while before it was announced that 'Keru was going to publish a book and 'Kari was going to teach. Then 'Kari married Iori, which is just fucking insane. Seriously, that shit wakes me out of a sound sleep sometimes. Hikari and Iori? Intellectual prowess aside, they just don't seem compatible. I'm not saying that because I still secretly harbor some sort of lust for her… Oh ew, I think I'm going to make myself sick thinking about that. She gets around. Taichi and Mimi have been MIA- they just dropped right off the radar. That's a shame too because I miss them both so much. And if I didn't know Mimi was same-sex oriented I might suspect they were off somewhere hitting it. Then there's Ken and Miyako. They have two kids and one on layaway. And I can't keep thinking about them right now. I just can't.

Part of me is still unable to believe that not only did Koushiro father my niece and nephew, but then he didn't want them and now, subsequently, pays my sister hush money. Un-fucking-real. Another part of me is simply chalking all of this up as par for the course. Seems being a Chosen lends itself to a lifetime of problems. We were all capable of saving an entire world, but we can't seem to handle our own lives. All these foolish games we play with one another are costing us time and emotions. Things that aren't given back. Why do we feel some need to prove to each other that one of us is better or that one of us is the best of all? All I ever wanted was to have a few friends I could count on. I can count on the 'Destined- but only to have my heart broken. I wonder if Yamato ever feels the weight of his crest like this.

Oooh… a coffee shop. Caffeine is one of the few vices I have, but it's one of the worst. The tiny place I step into is nothing more than a hole in the wall and not very crowded. I wonder if they do well at all or if they only make just enough to get by. As I peruse through the list of caffinated delights posted behind the counter I hear a very loud exclamation behind me.

"Holy shit- Motomiya Daisuke. I heard you were dead. How the fuck are you?" A man my age steps up to me, shaggy hair hanging in his eyes. Underneath, those eyes are aqua. I know this face…

"Hey, Takeru," I offer quietly. "How've you been?" The look on his face is half arrogance half genuine shock. Beneath the jagged edges of his hair I can see heavy, dark circles under those aqua eyes. There's at least two days worth of growth on his face and he looks exhausted. Like he hasn't gotten any sleep in days. The hair itself is a couple shades darker than I remember and looks like it was dyed much darker at one point and then covered up. His clothes are rumpled, mismatched and all of this could be glossed over if he at least looked even vaguely happy. "You look like shit," I finally tell him.

The blond smirks at me. "Still the same, aren't you? Same arrogant motherfucker that took off seven years ago and never kept in touch." Takeru slowly shakes his head. "Why did you even bother to come back?"

He moves like he wants to punch me and I catch his arm by reflex. There's a look of surprise on his face. Somehow, I feel satisfied knowing I could shock him. Tightening my grip I give Takeru a flashing idea of my strength. When he backs down my smile is immediate. "Dude, I was only telling you that you look like shit. I'm not trying to offend you in some mortal way. But, I'll admit curiosity. Those circles under your eyes and the rumpled to shit outfit make it look like you just came from one sweet ass booty call. However, you don't look happy, which means you haven't gotten laid in a while. Plus I know your girlfriend walked out on you a couple weeks ago." Giving him a gleaming Dentyne smile I let go of his arm.

Aqua eyes stare at me with alarm and he swallows whatever is left of the fear I can smell on him. "Okay," Takeru says slowly, "maybe you have changed." Absently rubbing at his arm he looks at me as though seeing me for the first time. "How'd you know all that stuff anyway? None of the others ever even knew Keiko existed."

I give him another tiny smile. "I have my methods." Takeru merely makes a face and I know he's pissed that I'm so secretive but I think I'll get over it. Ah- the mystery, the riddle, the puzzle that is me. Blondie over there will never solve it. Not even with his keen detective sensibilities. Suddenly, I'm reminded of something… "Hey, so who told the others I was dead?"

We've now exited the shop for an unknown destination. When I ask my question I see him freeze immediately like stop-action film. Oh, he did NOT! Stopping with him I roughly grab his shoulder and turn him so that he's facing me. There's death in my eyes and I have to set my jaw to counteract the violence looming inside. Takeru won't meet my eyes.

"It was you?!" Shaking him, I try not think about how happy I would be if his head fell off… "You son of a bitch! Why? Why would you tell them something like that?!"

"Because," he snaps, pulling out of my grip. "No one really knew the truth anyway and I figured I'd never see you again so what difference would it have made?" Shoving his hands in his pockets he glares at me for a moment and continues. "You weren't the only one with problems, you know. Do you have any idea how hard it was to watch what Ken was going through while you were gone? Any idea at all!" Now he's yelling and we seem to have collected a tiny audience, but I simply hold it together. Takeru can't intimidate me. "He fell apart, Daisuke. Because YOU left him. And Miyako was no help trying to fuck him back to happiness. The older Chosen didn't even want to come near this problem and 'Kari, Iori, and I were left to pick up the pieces of the huge fucking mess you left behind!" Tears swell in his eyes and his chest is heaving. But, all I can say is: it's not my problem.

So, I shrug, looking all nonchalant about life. "Not my problem. Maybe I had some issues of my own to work out. Maybe I needed to just get away from Japan. Maybe, just fucking MAYBE I got sick and tired of you all treating me like I was nothing. What's done is done. I can't change it, nor do I want to." Facing off to the blond I keep my face neutral.

Eventually he gives a broken, very tired laugh before reaching into his pocket and pulling out a pack of cigarettes. "You're a piece of work, you know that Dai? You are one amazing fucking piece of work." He stops shaking his head a moment to light his cancer stick. Inhaling deeply, he lets the smoke out in a great gust of breath. "Seriously though, I did think you were dead. I mean, no one's heard from you in seven years- in some parts of the world that's long enough to declare you legally dead." Taking another drag from his cigarette, Takeru motions down the street. "Look, we're blocking the sidewalk here so why don't we go get some food or something?"

Mood swings maybe? Perhaps…? A little…? Pissed off and screaming one minute, calm and almost smiling the next. God _damn_ this guy is messed up. As we start walking I keep glancing at him. Really, do I think there is some long buried conflict between us? Yes. Am I willing to overlook it? Also, yes. Scratching my chin I say in a soft voice, "You have no hope."

"Hmmm?" Takeru replies while taking a long drag.

"Your face," I try to explain my logic. "There's no hope in your eyes like there used to be. That light is gone. That's how I knew all that shit. Well, except Keiko, but I'm not coughing up an explanation for that."

Some sort of strange wonder passes through his aquamarine eyes. The blond stops and looks at me, the hard lines set around his mouth and eyes softening. "Thank you," his voice is soft, respectful. Throwing the butt of his cigarette into a sewer grate he speaks again. "For whatever it's worth I'm sorry I said that to the others. Just know that I didn't embellish it at all. That was all Miyako's doing. She seems to desperately want to believe it's true too, so that her marriage doesn't fall apart completely."

We've come to a restaurant and are about to go inside, but I stop him on the sidewalk first. "What do you mean? I thought they were happy…"

Takeru shakes his head. "Theirs isn't exactly what I would call a 'happy' marriage, Daisuke. Miyako's never really had Ken's heart and she knows it. Despite everything she's done to tie him to her or to win him over, Ken loves someone else."

I can feel my eyes widening. Ken… doesn't love Miyako? Well shit, maybe there's hope for me after all. "You mean he's having an affair?"

The Keeper of Hope chuckles for a moment then breaks into an all out giggle. When he calms down enough he pats my cheek. "Oh, Dai… you're priceless. Absolutely priceless."

One eyebrow goes up because I just can't freaking help myself. If there is one thing I cannot stand, it's being laughed at. My eyes narrow. "Well I just wanted to know if it was a situation like Sora and your brother."

Laughter slowly drains away from the once golden face. "How did you know about that?" Oh great- I've induced another mood swing. "Answer me, dammit! How the fuck did you know?!" Taking fistfuls of my shirt he tries to rush me. Some people never learn.

Without even pausing to think or even breaking a sweat I side step and swipe Takeru's feet out from under him. As he lands with the solid crack of tailbone meeting concrete I lean down and grin at him. "Don't fuck with me, Princess. I'll cut you to pieces." And my façade drops, letting him glimpse the person I've been for the past seven years. It only takes a moment for him to go pale. Standing tall again I eye him with distaste. "I found out about them the same way I found out about Keiko."

When the blond stands he looks at me, and it's as if he's searching for something that even I can't see. "You really don't know, do you?" Each word is softer than the last. "You don't know who it is that Ken truly loves above everyone else. That's so sad…" Eyes like the Caribbean begin to overflow; a few slow, shameful tears trickling downward. "It's you, Daisuke," Takeru says to me. "Ken loves you."

And I respond the only way I can think of: "Oh my fucking god. You're shitting me!"

Before he can say anything I hear another voice. One that I haven't heard in a very long time and was nearly certain I'd never hear again. "Dai- Daisuke?" The sound of my name is shaky, not as bright as it used to be.

Hearing her, I spin around and throw my arms around her. "Mimi! Damn I'm happy to see you," I gush. She fell of the radar and pretty much like Takeru thought of me, I thought Mimi was, quite possibly, dead.

She shoves me backwards and glares at me for a second or two. And then she hauls off and slaps me! Then I'm being hugged so tightly I think my intestines are going to start pouring out. Fun is. "You bastard," she's crying. "Don't you ever do this shit again. Don't you ever disappear on me like that again or so help me I'll hunt you down and kick your ass!"

As the grip lightens up a little I manage to wheeze out, "Glad to know you aren't going to kill me."

Mimi steps back after kissing my cheek and gushes some more while shoving 'Keru and I into the restaurant. "We've got so much catching up to do! Tell me where you've been, tell me what you've done, tell me everything!"

Once we're seated I barely glance at the menu before letting out a tremendous sigh. "Trust me, guys," I begin, "if I could tell you what I've been up to, I would. But the short version is: I've been moving around a lot. Yeah, I stayed in Tokyo for a while, then went to Hong Kong, and finally headed for the States before coming home again." Fidgeting, my hands compulsively pull and twist at anything in reach. I notice Takeru openly staring at me. "What?"

"You used to do that at the parties a lot," he smiles. "You would watch Miya and Ken and twist all the napkins into little flowers. Iori and I would collect them after you left. Whether you intended to or not they always turned into flowers. Nervous habit, I suppose." That stupid smile spreads to an open grin as he picks up a glass of water, sipping at it. 

Rolling my eyes I give the world's snappiest comeback, "Oh man… you know what? Fuck you."

Now Takeru is just laughing. In a way it's good because for a fleeting moment, I get a flash of the old Takeru- the Keeper of Hope, that dammed eternal optimist. Eyes sparkling he just chuckles some more. "Ken used to do the same thing, you know. Only his twists always went the opposite way yours did. And you guys never even realized it either! It was so funny…"

"The flowers were pretty though," Mimi sighs, voice dreamy. "But I can't believe you won't tell us what you've been doing all this time!" Her hand cuts through empty air as I duck a slap.

Pulling her back into her seat, the blond offers comfort. "Don't worry, Meems. Dai's been keeping tabs on all of us."

"Except you and Taichi," I add quickly. "If you thought my disappearing act was good, you two were better. It was like you two fell off the face of the fucking planet or something."

Both of my old friends go abruptly silent. They glance at each other and make not so subtle 'you tell him' 'no YOU tell him' gestures. Finally, Mimi speaks up again after clearing her throat. "Yeah, that was kinda messy. A few days after you left, Tai and I left to try and find you. Only Takeru and Yamato knew we were going. I went because Miyako's incessant complaining about her husband's emotional state made me want to help her, and of course, I missed you like crazy! Anyway, Tai went because Yamato was so stressed out at seeing Ken that way too. He didn't want Ken to…" She pauses and looks over at Takeru who's eyes are downcast. "He didn't want Ken to end up like him."

"But that was seven years ago! Don't tell me things with Yamato had already…"

Takeru shook his head. "No, but it did keep him away from the person he truly wanted to be with."

I nodded and waited for him to continue. When he didn't I decided to prompt him. "And that would be…?"

Mimi hit my shoulder. "Dai!" Her eyes rolled. "Why do think Taichi leaped at the chance to make Yamato so happy?"

Again, I respond the only way I can think of. "No fucking way! Yamato and Taichi?!"

*************

Alright, I hope this chapter doesn't disappoint. You can look for an update to Shinwa soon. Until then, happy reading and review/criticize as you please. ^_^ 


	5. 4

Notes: yay for people who review this and like it and read it and all that happy stuff. You all rock my world. And I'm aware that in my profile it says I'll probably shoot you an email if you review, however let it be noted that the people over at www.com don't seem to like me and my account keeps getting screwy. I shall have to do something about that soon…

Warnings: words that are so not appropriate for children ahead (the 4-letter kind you know, bad stuff I hear), Daisuke knows a lot about drugs death and rock & roll (maybe not so much with the rock part), Ken knows a lot about hanging out in closets and looking girly (good on all counts), Jun knows how to use words that would make truckers turn purple (get your minds out of the gutter!), Miyako just generally knows how to be a big ol' bitch (like you would expect anything different in a Daiken fic)

Disclaimers: sorry about the long warning section. Seemed like a good idea at the time. I don't own them. As groovy as that would be.

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Flash- 4

"Yamato," I say slowly, "and Taichi. Taichi and Yamato. Yamato and Taichi. Taichi and…" This is quite possibly the most surreal moment of my life. Mimi and I were so paranoid all that time about being gay and it turns out not only is my idol gay as well but he's in love with his best friend. Said best friend is married, though returns this affection. Said best friend's wife is screwing around on her husband. And have I mentioned that she entertains both men and women? Yeah, Sora's an equal opportunity slut. All of this, plus the fact that MY best friend and long time love is actually in love with me. Though as previously stated he is married, he has children, but his wife is a bitch so I guess nothing's perfect after all. I'm lost in thought, but I can see the looks I'm getting from Takeru and Mimi.

"I think he blew a fuse," the blond says. There's this overly satisfied smirk on his face. Now that really makes me want to hit him.

"What the fuck are you grinning at blondie?" It's practically a snarl when I say it but I really don't care. This has been the most hardcore homecoming ever. Fuck etiquette.

Mimi giggles- no really, she giggles. "You're so funny Daisuke," she tells me. "Honestly, I was so eager to tell you about the two of them but I didn't find out until after you were gone. By then, well, it was kind of difficult to get in touch with you." She sighs and fiddles with her water glass. 

The tension is back again. I know they're angry with me, but I'm not going to apologize for anything. Something just seems so off about all of this and it's making me nuts. If I knew what they were thinking it might help. That's when I get an idea. Fishing in my pocket I find my wallet. They look shocked as all hell when I slap a few thousand yen on the table- not in the low thousands either. We're talking big money here.

"I hate doing this," I tell them. "For your thoughts?" My smile is lopsided and goofy looking. It's meant to be though, so it's okay. Instead of answering though they each give me this blank look that makes my skin crawl. Rolling my eyes I can't help pinching the bridge of my nose. I read somewhere that it relieves stress. Personally, I think that will only happen if you pinch hard enough to kill yourself, but whatever. "Or not," I add casually. Sighing, I sit back in my chair, content to play the waiting game.

It's Mimi that breaks the silence first, which isn't surprising. "Why can't you tell us where you were, Daisuke?" She looks up at me, tossing her hair back and revealing glassy, all too real amber eyes. Shit. I know I'm in trouble. "Where did you go? What did you do?" She bites her lip. "Why did you leave?"

Takeru coughs a bit and adds his two cents worth. "Yeah, Dai, I've been wondering that for seven years now. Why did you leave?" Glancing around quickly he moves nearly too fast for me to catch. Then there's a flash of fire and he's smoking another cigarette.

"Do you have any idea how weird it is that you smoke?" I wrinkle my nose. Something about seeing the Child of Hope light one up is disquieting. 

He snorts. "What? Not pure enough for you? Wouldn't sully your perfect little lungs with some nice home grown cancer?" Waving his cigarette in my face, his voice drips with sarcasm and outright bitchiness.

Slapping at his hand I shake my head. "Fuck off, Takeru. You can be the biggest bitch ever sometimes." My mood is rapidly turning sour. If the blond wasn't here I'd have no problem answering Mimi. And I would tell her everything too. But, he is here. And he's not going anywhere anytime soon. Guess I have no choice… "I left because they got engaged," I finally supply, voice hushed. "Graduation day she came in all excited with that fucking ring on her finger and I just couldn't do it anymore. I couldn't watch him be happy with her and create this perfect little life for himself…" Throat closing over the words, my jaw clenches trying to stop the lingering pain that has been my constant companion for seven years.

Mimi's breath hitches. I know this is difficult for her to hear. "So, you knew when you ran into me as I was going in? Why didn't you warn me at least? Jesus, Dai…" She rubs her nose and sniffles. Boy do I feel like a buzzkill.

"It wasn't like that, Mimi. She just came in and then he was there and he… he… he just stood there _waiting_ for me to say something. And I couldn't because how was I supposed to tell him he had just broken my heart? You shouldn't throw stones anyway, it's not like you've told Miyako yet either." This time I can't stop them. Tears are flowing from my eyes and my face is contorted from hurt. So many years worth of grief locked up inside. Grabbing a napkin I dry my nose and eyes hoping I don't look too retarded.

"How would you know about that?" She snaps at me, all indignant. Then she remembers. "Oh, yeah… right. Forgot about how you've been checking up on all of us. How did you get all your information, anyway?"

I freeze. No. Not here. Not now. I want to tell her. I need to tell her. But not in this place. There's too many people, and too many innocents. Plus with the blond son of a bitch leering at me I'm feeling more than a little homicidal. "That's a little complicated." Using my eyes I'm trying to plead with her. Please not here. Please not now. I think I know that scary motherfucker over in the corner. This isn't a good time for discussion, Mimi. She watches as my eyes dart to the corner, over to the intimidating, quite obviously yakuza men sitting at the table. Half hidden in shadows…

Amber eyes widen just a fraction. Seems like Miss Mimi's gotten quite good at covert ops while I've been away. Interesting. Very interesting indeed. "Dai," she whispers quickly. "you want to get going?"

"But we just got here!" Takeru is still clueless, which is good. He should remain that way. I'm not a big fan of the Child of Hope but I know what could happen to him. And that shit's just not fair. Sad to say though, but I think it might be too late for me. Looks like my number has finally come up. Damn. Just when things were starting to get good too.

I grab the blond's arm. "Come on, Takeru," I'm pulling him out of his seat before he can even begin to whine about it. "Let's go pay the others a visit, shall we?" My eyes are begging, pleading. Then the universe clicks into place and it looks like he understands. We are go for launch.

As we depart I notice Takeru opening his mouth to ask questions but I just shake my head at him. He nods and quite promptly shuts up. Maybe we've all changed a lot more than we realized. However, at the moment my only thought is to get back to Chibimon and get him and the rest of my stuff the hell out of Jun's apartment. She will not get pulled into my mess. I turn to my "friends".

"Look, guys, I hate to go all James Bond on you but I've got to go. There's some shit that needs to get done. I'll meet up with you all later, okay?" Please for the love of all the gods everywhere just smile, nod, and tell me it's okay…

Of course, they don't do that. "What the hell is going on Daisuke?" Mimi looks pissed off and that's never good. Cute as she may be, she can get up in person's face like no other and that's rough because the woman is relentless. "How did you know them? I mean they were… and you… and oh my god." Oh son of a bitch! She figured it out. "What did you do?" Her voice wavers a bit. "Daisuke," she grips my shoulder, "what did you freaking DO?!"

"What the shit are you two talking about?" Takeru stands there, arms folded and this little pout on his face. "You don't mean those creepy yakuza guys that were sitting in the corner do you? They looked like a bunch of tough bastards to me and…" He plays connect the dots for a few seconds and his aqua eyes begin to bug. "Oh shit. Damn. I mean that's… whoa."

"Fuck," my eyes are squeezed shut. And, indeed, that is the word of the moment: _FUCK_. "You weren't supposed to know. I was hoping you wouldn't figure it all out." Glancing around, I rub a hand over my face trying to see if I'm dreaming or if I'm really as awake as I feel. If it were only a dream that would make things so much better. Nope. But this goes back to that whole feeling the pain thing from this morning. I sigh because at this point I have to admit absolute defeat. "We need to talk about this, but not here. There are ears everywhere- more than you could imagine."

Aqua eyes blink at me as the blond nods. "I know a place we can go. No one would look for us there." Motioning for Mimi and I to follow he begins to walk swiftly, traveling across the city.

As we stalk the sidewalks my thoughts wander. Why does all of this have to come to a head now? After seven years? What could I have done that makes me such a loose end? And in the name of all things good and pure… where the fuck is Takeru taking us? I feel like I'm in Scooby Doo and I should be saying "I've got a bad feeling about this".

"TK," Mimi's voice is a little shaky. "Where are we going?"

Pointing to a building, that looks pretty much like all the surrounding buildings he says, "Industrial Park for Eye Spy Incorporated."

I stop dead in my tracks. "No," I'm shaking my head. "I don't fucking think so. It wasn't fair for me to drag the two of you into my mess and I won't drag him into it either. It's a bad fucking idea and I'm not going with you. We'll find somewhere else. As much as I want-"

"Dai, they'll never find you there," Mimi cuts me off. "The building is secure. And you know how he is about things, how careful he is. Nothing and no one that he doesn't approve of gets into the building."

My jaw just clenches automatically at the thought of all this. As much as I don't want to admit it, she's right. "Fine. Just make sure he isn't there. I'm not up for seeing him yet." Even though my eyes have fallen to the ground I can see the look they give one another.

"If he's there you're going in anyway," Takeru states firmly. "Seven years, Daisuke. That's a long damn time. You have no idea how much it hurts him to know that you aren't here."

Scowling I raise my head and fix the blond with a glare. "Yeah? Well who's fault is it that he thinks I'm dead, huh?" When he bites his lip and glances away, guilt plain on his face I reset my jaw. "That's what I thought you said."

Mimi lets out an exasperated sound. "Just get your ass in gear and get in the building!"

We both fix her with a glare and I stick out my tongue. "Fine. But I want to call Jun. I need to get Chibi and pick up some of my stuff. I can't stay at Jun's place anymore."

They nod and we head for our ultimate destination and go inside. There it is, the giant eye logo for Eye Spy Inc. Damn, I was really hoping to avoid confrontation with him today. All these new revelations in such a tiny amount of time, plus I find out my past is apparently coming back to haunt me. Shit. Maybe I never should have left in the first place. That stinging pain pulls at my eyes again and I have to close them so that Takeru and Mimi won't see. We're outside the main office door and I hear them go in and have a very hushed conversation with someone inside. It's a female and she sounds like she has no idea what they're talking about, but at least she seems to know who they are. The more I think about my past the more I regret what I've done. But at the same time, I know if I had stayed I would probably be dead now- by my own hand.

"Dai," Mimi's calling me. "Come on in. We're waiting and he's letting us use the conference room."

"Are there a lot of windows in there?" Automatic response, can't help it. I had forgotten how paranoid I could be on this routine.

"Yeah, I guess… Why?"

I shake my head. "No good. The fewer windows the better. I don't know if I'm all that welcome in the greater Tokyo Bay area right now and I'm not about to take any chances. You know, I'm sure his office has very few windows, if any at all." I know how he likes his privacy. Shifting, I wait for Mimi to respond, but as she thinks things over I lose patience and push past her into the office. 

The young woman at the front desk is pretty, but not memorable. She looks at me and blinks large brown eyes behind cat-eye glasses. "Can I help you?"

Time to turn on the charm. "Oh sure," my voice is smooth, velvet. I give her the best Motomiya smile I've got. "Can you tell me where Ichijouji Ken's office is located?"

Blinking again she replies, "You've been told to use the conference room." Way to be helpful.

"I know that. However, I would like to see him in person. I haven't seen him in seven years and, well, despite what his wife-"

"Daisuke!" Both Takeru and Mimi scold me, so I cover my mouth with my hand and give a discreet blush. Oh silly me! It's been a long time since I've played this particular game. Innocent little me, I can get anything I want.

The receptionist sighs and picks up her phone. After intercoming him she sighs and points over her shoulder. "Straight back, big door, can't miss it." Her sudden display of cynicism makes me like her that much more.

"Thanks," I say softly. "Sorry I'm a pain in the ass, but if it weren't an emergency I wouldn't bother." Following the others I head back towards the big doors still wondering if he even knows I'm here. The girl at the desk never mentioned me directly. We find the big doors open and go in, no sign of him. While Mimi and Takeru meander around I spot a most interesting table in the darkened corner. Seems Ken keeps up with Jun on the decoration scheme. As scary as it is, there's something that resembles a small shrine in the corner. To me. Wow. My eyes are watering. Dammit, why does he have to be so wonderful? He has that same picture, the one I threw out…

There's a shift in the air current and I hear the soft click of the door being closed at my back. The office is fairly dark for mid-afternoon and I realize that I was right in my assumption about the lack of windows. I turn around and there he is again. My dark haired, fair skinned vision. He's so beautiful I have to give a mental sigh and clear my head. But I have to smile a bit, because he sees Takeru and Mimi waiting for him and doesn't see me. Of course, I'm hiding in the shadows, avoiding all light when possible. 

He speaks, and it's perfection. God, I missed the sound of that voice. The airport was too loud to really appreciate it, but in the small confines of this office I can hear him clearly. Giving them a warm smile, with small traces of concern he greets them. "Hey Mimi, Takeru- what can I do for you? You said it was an emergency and I don't mind, but why all the secrecy?"

"Um…" Mimi sort of looks off into the ceiling somewhere and begins to fidget a lot. 

Takeru laughs in that nervous, nearly fake way. "Well you see… it's, uh, it's kinda complicated, Ken."

Such stunning linguistic skills they display! But then again, to their credit, they are the keepers of Hope and Purity not Grammar and Language. Clearing my throat I have to smile when his head whips in my direction. Wouldn't want to let anyone ruin his precious shrine, right? "Hey Ken," the words are soft. "As you might have guessed, you weren't hallucinating at the airport yesterday." Stepping out of the shadows I let him see that I'm there, that I still exist.

Jaw quivering, I can see tears gathering in his eyes. Stepping closer he reaches out one pale, shaking hand. "Dai… Daisuke?"

The hand hovers near my face and I take it in mine. "Yeah, Ken. It's me." Trying to be as gentle as possible I smile at him. But his beautiful face makes me cry. "Hey," my voice is hushed, "don't cry. It's me; I'm still here. See?" I wipe tears off his cheek, watching as he leans into my hand and closes his eyes. Then something occurs to me. "You're not gonna hit me are you?"

Ken's eyes snap open- twin pools of indigo light. "As much as part of me wants to… No, I'm not going to hit you, Daisuke." He throws his arms around me and holds on for dear life. "I missed you so much. I thought you were dead. And with all the things Miyako kept telling me I was so sure of it. Oh god, Daisuke…"

My arms automatically go around him, and it feels like a homecoming should. Comfort, peace, soothing, and I love him so much it hurts. Ken is crying into my hair, still taller than I am. I try to make him stop but he can't, or won't. "Hush, Ken. It's okay. I don't think I'm going anywhere this time." Now that's probably a lie.

Takeru snorts and Mimi pouts and says, "Liar."

The beautiful man in my arms pulls away. "Dai?" His eyebrows go up, they furrow together and the pain on his face is palpable. "Leaving…?"

Gently prying him away, though I don't want to, I have to nod. "It's a long story."

"Start talking," Ken cuts in. "Tell me everything. We'll find a way around this and maybe this time," his voice breaks and he gives me a hopeful smile. "Maybe this time I could go with you."

Jesus, this isn't fair. Touching his face I can feel myself blinking quickly. "Oh, Ken, you can't. You have a family here. A wife and children."

"I don't care about them," he whispers fiercely. "Daisuke, I lost you once already. I can't lose you again. It killed me before, I don't want to die like that again." One long fingered hand closes over mine, cupping it to his face. Eyes shining with unshed tears he looks at me so openly, all emotions plain on his naked face.

"Ken, I love you. And I can't let anything happen to you. You don't know what I'm dealing with and I don't want you to ever have to either. I mean, Ken, I just… I love you so much." Then I do what the one thing I've been dreaming of doing for longer than I really care to think about. I kiss him with all the passion that I have burning inside. I kiss him hoping he'll feel how much I love him, and hoping he'll understand why I have to walk away…

The world fades around us as our kiss deepens. And I learn that kissing him is just like I always imagined it would be- liquid, smooth, perfection. When we part there are two people clapping on the other side of the room, cheering.

"Holy shit, I never thought you guys had it in you! 'Bout fucking time!" Takeru is genuinely smiling, the way he used to in years past.

Mimi is squealing. "You're so cute together! It's about time this happened!"

Somehow, even with all my effort at being a badass, I'm blushing and ducking into Ken's shoulder. He smiles and I can feel it through a bond that I was sure had been destroyed years ago. A shiver runs down my spine and I cling to him, just wanting to be with him and wanting to forget that I have so many problems waiting outside this office. Swimming in emotion, wrapped up in his arms, I feel his lips so close to my ear, his voice a murmur.

"I love you, Daisuke. And now that I have you back I'm never letting go. You'll have to kill me first."

And I let out a watery laugh. "Funny you should say that," I pull out of his arms. "Those seven years I was gone? The short version- I was drug running for the yakuza for a little while, some crazy shit happened but they let me go. I owe some favors because that's the deal that was made. I met up with these two today and we went out for a late lunch and well… there were a couple guys I knew there. And they spotted me, and I think they're ready to cash in on that favor." Pausing I rub the back of my neck, it's a nervous habit. "If I complete whatever task they give me, I'll probably have to give up my identity and never talk to any of you ever again. If I refuse they'll probably kill me. But, that's just the short version."

The three of them stare at me. Takeru breaks the silence with a nervous laugh. "You were drug running? You?"

"Yeah," I say quietly. Natural posture resumes and I'm immediately on the defense. The way my arms flex slides my shirt sleeves up a bit which, since I removed my jacket, reveals small edges of my tattoos.

The blond gapes at me. "You're inked too?" He steps forward to inspect my arms. "How many do you have?"

"Seven," my voice is bland, just as it was when I informed Jun earlier. Pulling away I frown. "Look, it was five years ago, all right?"

Mimi is uncharacteristically quiet. "That was one of Tai's theories, but he could never prove it. And every time we tried to talk to someone about you, they'd immediately clam up. You sure you were only pushing? Nothing else?"

I shrug, trying to be nonchalant. So far, Ken still hasn't spoken. "Well yeah, I'm sure. Some of my customers were some pretty high rollers- big money and I got a huge cut of it." Shrugging again, I glance at Ken. He's being way to silent for my liking. "Ken?"

Indigo eyes blink, he looks up at me. "Yeah?"

"You with us?"

Mimi and Takeru send some worried looks his way, then back to me.

"Drug running," he says softly. "I thought a lot of things, but not drug running. For the yakuza. And you have tattoos- seven of them. And… you… you love me." Ken bites his lip.

I nod. "Yeah, that sounds about right."

"Oh," very quietly. Then, "Fuck."

*************

you have no idea how much fun this was to write. But, hey- Dai and Ken… getting together… next up: problem solving with Yamato & Taichi, and I'll try to bring Jun and Chibimon back, plus a meeting with Miyako! Review or criticize as you like… any feedback is welcome as always.


	6. 5

Notes: eh heh… did I say that updates would be coming quicker? Yeah, my bad. Damn all the illnesses of the world! Damn them all to hell! Although, being unemployed leaves me with some free time… We shall see. Enough of this, I'll get to the fic.

Warnings: Daisuke has issues of the foul mouthed and homosexual kind, Ken has issues of the bitchy wife and confused sexuality variety, Miyako is finally going to make an appearance, Jun is crazy and fun lovin', and the rest of the Destined seem to be pretty fucked up about life. I think that covers it.

Disclaimer: If I owned this show it never would have run as part of Fox Kids. Look at what I've done to them for god's sake! They've got more problems than you can shake a stick at!

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Flash- 5

Mimi and I are walking down the street, heading back towards Jun's place. The scene in Ken's office got a little hectic and Takeru is being all kinds of sketchy. He's way too into this for my liking. All those questions about my past. Biting my lip I glance over at the woman beside me.

"Mimi?"

She sighs and doesn't look at me. "Yeah, Dai?"

"Does it bother you? What I did, I mean. Takeru seems pretty revved up about it and Ken's all bent out of shape. That's why I was gone for so long, you know. It's kinda hard to find a way to tell everyone that you were working for the Japanese mob scene." I've stopped walking so I can asses her reaction. Something about her posture still seems off to me.

Mimi seems to think about my words for a few minutes as she chews on her bottom lip- it's a nervous habit that friends everywhere seem to share. "It bothers me a little," she finally admits. "But, it's not like it was unexpected. Taichi and I… when we were looking for you a lot of big deal yakuza names came up that generally brought us to dead ends or whatever else. So, after a while we just stopped going down that road." Her words run dry and she looks at me. Amber eyes so brilliant and shimmering with emotion. "Seven years is a little excessive, don't you think?"

Shrugging her off I merely nod, more or less to myself. "Call it what you will. It is what it is and I can't change it. If I fucked up, well then I guess I fucked up and I'll pay for it. Shit, I'm already paying for it." Giving her an emotional stare of my own I add, "You saw how Ken reacted."

The office wasn't pretty after the Chosen Child of Kindness had time to think.

__

"Daisuke," his voice was so soft. "I expected a lot of things from you. A broken heart- most likely over some woman I would never meet. Illegitimate children perhaps, or even jail time. But this… Drug running, Dai? What were you thinking? I mean, were you even fucking thinking? Did you even plan to come back at all? Because now it looks like I'm going to lose you all over again, and I can't take that." Ken sighed and looked down at the floor. After his initial catatonic reaction he had dismissed Takeru and Mimi leaving me alone with him. Honestly, I had expected him to be angry with me. Disappointment was something I hadn't prepared for.

"Ken, if I had come back any sooner would it have made a difference?" I watched him ponder over this question and spoke again before he could answer. "If I had known then how you feel about me of course I would have come back. But, really, I thought you looked down on me just like everyone else did. They all thought I was some clueless child and without realizing it you did the same. It hurt, Ken. And I can't make that memory fade."

When he looked up I saw the incredible stream of tears flowing down his perfect, angular face. "How could you ever doubt how I feel about you?" His voice was broken, nothing more than a shattered whisper. That question did it. I knew I had hurt him in almost an irreparable way.

"Because you turned your back on me," I answered. "Even when I begged you not to, when I pleaded for your help you walked away just like everyone else." Believe me, I've tried to forget the past, to let it go. But some things cannot be forgotten no matter how much you do or how far you run.

Ken swallowed the buildup that had gathered in his throat and studied me for some sort of vulnerable spot. Seven years of living on nothing but whatever strength I had to get by destroyed whatever vulnerability had once existed in me. That weak spot he sought was nowhere to be found. And I wished I could have given it to him. "I think I need to be alone for a little while," he whispered. "Here," Ken handed me a pager before I walked out. "I'm the only one with the number for this thing. When I'm ready, I'll call you, okay?"

His eyes more than anything else told me that he desperately needed it to be okay. He needed it to be all right. He needed everything to be all right again. Time had reminded me that nothing ever would be again. But, whatever gods may exist have got to help me- because I lied to him. I smiled and touched his smooth perfect skin and whispered to him, "Of course it's okay, Ken." After kissing him on the cheek, I left.

I wish I had a magic wand to make things all better. Shit. Seems I left it in my other pants. Dammit, never a break when you need one…

"Mimi," I say again breaking our little reverie. "Why don't you head back to your place and I'll call you later. Right now I think we all need some time to sort this shit out."

Eyeing me she laughs a little, but it's dry and bitter. "Sure, Daisuke. You've had seven years the rest of us have only had a few hours to deal with the things you've done-"

"Don't even fucking start that bullshit with me," I cut her off. "You know better than anyone that it won't work. Besides, it's not like I'm going to take off again." We stand in an odd face-off that I never thought I'd get to see.

Mimi nods. "You're right," she replied. "I'm sorry, Dai, it's just rough dealing with this now. It's kinda sudden, you know?" Tears give way to laughter, which in turn gives way to a hug and a bidding to take care of ourselves. Watching her walk away I remember how close we used to be and I can't help but wonder what else she's been up to.

Resuming my mission, I turn to keep walking and have to stop again. Oh god dammit. Why? Did I do something so bad, really? Honestly- am I just cursed? Will I never be forgiven? Plastering the biggest phony grin I've got on my face I step forward as my stomach drops out. "Hello, Miyako," my voice is even. "Guess those rumors you heard about my death weren't true after all, eh?"

Corrective lenses are still required, I see. Eyes bulging behind the modern frames, hair swept up in a soft tangle, and an obviously pregnant belly protruding from her mid-section she glares at me. Sincerity at it's finest. "I wish they were," Miyako says in greeting. "Daisuke, Daisuke… why the fuck aren't you dead? You know that would have made my life so much easier?" Her eyes narrow, looking deadly. Well, as deadly as a pregnant woman can ever really look.

Without being able to control it, I can feel my eyes rolling at her. "Give it up, Miya. I just came from the hubby's office, okay? Not to mention that Takeru filled me in on a few things as did Mimi. So spare me the pity routine. You aren't going to find any here- not from me, _never_ from me." Letting my eyes narrow I give her a glimpse of my own deadly side and smirk as she backs up a step. Sighing as I watch, I act on autopilot. "Come on," I grip her wrist and tug her towards me. "Ken wouldn't like it if you were wandering in the street and got hit by a car. Plus I think he'd deny me forever for killing his wife."

"What the fuck do you care?" Miyako's voice is icy. No, strike that. It's downright arctic. "You were always such an egotistical son of a bitch. And I hate you, as I'm sure you've guessed. Since you haven't died it looks like I'll just have to kill you myself at some point." Wrenching free of my grip she all but spits at me. "I fucking hate you, Daisuke. I wish you would just fucking… disappear or something! Why did you have to come back? Why couldn't you just stay dead to us? To Ken…?" Her words are losing venom quickly and dissolving. A fine trembling is running across her shoulders and I know she's trying not to cry.

"Resurrection's a tough gig, but I get by," my quip is scathing and has the desired result. Miyako lunges at me and in a move that's all too easy I grab her arms and restrain her. "Hey, settle down. I'm not going to hurt you, okay?" She keeps trying to land a punch or a kick but I'm not letting it happen. Can't give her that satisfaction after all. "Miyako…" She can't hear me. She's beyond hearing anything now. "Miyako," I yell, "stop it! Get a fucking grip on yourself. You're out in public and you're acting like a child. You're a mother now, an adult. There's no room for you to be pulling this baby crap so just fucking get over yourself." And dammit if it doesn't take every ounce of control I've got to NOT hit her as punctuation to my statement.

Shoving me back she sniffles and wipes her nose. "Fuck you, Dai," she mutters.

"Aw, come on, Miya-babe. You love me, I know it." Trying to peer into her eyes I give her a smile.

"No really," she shoots back. "Fuck you."

"Why?" Sticking out my lip I give her a pout this time snickering when she glares at me again.

"You know why."

"But I would feel so much better if I heard you say it."

A sneer curls her lips and she spits at me with distaste. "I will never give you the satisfaction, Motomiya. Not in a god damn million years."

"Nonsense," I tell her. "Somehow, I think you will. Sooner or later you'll realize you don't have a choice." Of course I expect her next move and catch her wrist as she tries to slap me. The look on her face barely changes, but I catch the subtle widening of her eyes. Good to know I've shocked her. Always good to know when you get the better of your enemies.

"You're nothing but a fucking homewrecker. Go back to the filth you came from." Pulling free she stalks away leaving me to stand and bask in my tiny victory. True, I've already won the war, but watching the other side pick up the pieces afterwards is always so enjoyable. Probably because I'm a sadistic bastard.

Dusting off invisible particles of battle I head to Jun's in good spirits. The rest of my journey passes with little to no event and all too soon I find myself at my sister's door remembering that I have a niece and nephew waiting at daycare for their mother. Funny, I had forgotten about them in all this mess. I wonder… if they'll have to deal with the stigma of having a gay uncle. If they'll be made fun of for having me in their family. It would be sad really. I hope they don't get treated the way I was. 

Pushing the door open there is no sound but shifting of the air current as I enter. Ah yes, Daisuke the stealth master. Excellent. I'm going to need some of those old skills in the days to come, I think. Wandering to the guest room I spot a slumped over blue bundle on the bed. "Hey Chibi," my words are soft. "You feeling better?"

The little digimon turns to me and fixes me with a gaze that almost bleeds it's so red- from crying as well as natural pigment. "No," he sniffles. The tiny lower jaw quivers with that distinct knowledge that there are still more tears despite thinking they had run dry ages ago. "I just want him to love me," Chibimon whispers. "But more than anything, I want him to be happy."

Shit. I had forgotten about him too in my trip to see Ken. Maybe I am the selfish prick everyone thinks. "Hey," I pull the blue dragon into an embrace. Hushing him, I whisper all sorts of soothing nonsense. "If it makes you feel better, I think he does love you. With all of his digital heart. He's got to, Chibi. He's got to love you as much as you love him."

The child-like voice is muffled, but I can hear the question. "How can you be so sure?"

With a secretive smile I lower my mouth to his ear. "Because Ken told me he loves me," I whisper. "And I have a feeling that if Ken was hiding the truth, Wormmon was too."

All sobs come to a halt. Crimson eyes stare up at me. "Really?" For the first time in so many years I see a spark of hope in those depths as I nod in confirmation. "Oh Daisuke! That's the best news ever!" He's gone from borderline suicidal to psychotically cheery in seconds. If I wasn't capable of it myself I'd find it creepy. Shame Takeru can't manage these kinds of mood swings. "Wait a minute…" Chibimon backs up a minute. "Ken told you he loves you?"

"Yeah," my smile is fragile from the sheer wonder of hearing someone else say it. "He did. But some other stuff happened too while I was out. I ran into Takeru and Mimi-"

"Oh! How's Mimi? Did you tell her I missed her? Because I did, almost as much as I missed… well maybe not quite as much-"

"They know why I left, Chibi. They found out everything."

That one stops him. "Oh," he's quiet for a while. "Did you tell them?"

"Only after seeing some old familiar faces." Placing him back on the bed I stand and begin to gather my stuff. "We might have to leave again…" I don't like saying it, but there's no harm in being prepared.

"But we just got here," he whimpers.

"I know, buddy," there's a sadness in both our faces. And it kills me to have to say this to him, but it needs to be said. "And I don't think they can come with us either." 

"But-"

"They could get killed, Chibi." It isn't fair to have to do this. No one should have to do this. All that hope that was just reborn dies again right in front of my eyes. A fresh batch of saline leaks out of his eyes.

"How long do we have?" That's all he asks me. And I can't even give him that.

"I don't know." The words barely leave my lips when there's a knock at the door. What the hell? No one knows I'm here… except for the few people I've seen. Unless Jun forgot her key or something. Or what if… oh shit. No, they couldn't be looking for me already. Not now, not now…

Then I hear a voice. "Dai, come open the fucking door before I break it down. I've waited seven years to kick your ass and I'm not going to wait another seven seconds so get your ass out here and open the fucking-"

I throw the door open. Two men stand before me. Two fully grown men that I had only known as youths at most, boys at least.

"Door…" Taichi finishes his sentence. Then he stares at me. Brown eyes lock with mine and he tries to give me a hard glare but it cracks as a watery smile breaks his face. "I didn't think you would really come," he whispers. "I didn't even think you were really here. I didn't want to hope…" Then I'm caught in a fierce hug that's part relief and part bittersweet happiness. "Welcome home…"

Yamato stands there and I can see a quick flash of something pass through his eyes. No, he can't be… jealous? "Relax, Yamato," my voice is even despite the emotional reunion. "I'm not out to steal your man. Plus I think he knows that I'm kind of interested in someone else."

Sapphire eyes widen nearly cracking his icy veneer. Apparently, while Takeru told them I was home he forgot to mention some of the finer details of our visit. "You could at least invite us in," the blond finally speaks.

Tai elbows his companion in the ribs. "Way to be friendly, Yama."

Muttering about goggleheads the taller man steps inside moving like a cat past me and towards the kitchen. "Where does she keep the glasses? I'd like some water."

"Uh, fuck if I know, man. I've only been here for a little over a day. Help yourself though. Jun will go ballistic when she finds out you were here." There's a teasing note in my voice, just to fuck with him. To see how much they really know.

Coughing and the sound of sputtering water comes from the kitchen. "She can't still have a crush on me!"

Glancing at Taichi I offer a satisfied smirk. "I didn't mean that kind of ballistic," I keep my voice between hard and bitter.

Closing the door I lead Tai into the kitchen area where Yamato has decided to help himself to not only water, but some food as well. "Ballistic how?" Taichi questions me, never one to let anything get by.

I shrug, being my cool nonchalant self. "How do you think, Taichi? Why would I say that?"

Anger. That's all it is. Pure rage that's been unchecked for seven years. Ducking a right hook I kick his legs out from under him and pin him to the floor. Glancing at the blond I smirk again. "Guess you're a lover not a fighter, huh?" 

"You motherfucker!" Taichi is struggling beneath me. But I'm too strong. Always too strong. This is getting old for me. Everyone I see wants to beat the shit out of me for one reason or another. Why did I even come back in the first place…?

"Stop it, Tai," my voice is tired. Everything about me is tired. Tired of putting up with people I wanted to forget, tired of putting on shows for everyone I see, tired of running, tired of trying, tired of life…

The brunette stops fighting as I get up and gapes at me. "Jesus, Dai," his throat must be dry, the words are scratchy. "What happened to you?"

"A lot of things," I chuckle and nod to Chibimon who came into the room a few moments ago.

"I heard fighting," the digimon offers.

"No worries, I'm fine." 

Watching as the blue dragon nods, part of me can't help but smile when he says, "I'm staying anyway. Just in case."

He's spent too much time on the run with me. I never should have exposed him to some of that stuff. But shit happens, or so they say. "Thanks," my smile is bitter.

"Don't mention it," he raises an eyebrow at me and knows we'll continue this conversation later. Sometimes he still has trouble understanding human reactions to things. Digimon would have never had the emotional hang-ups the Destined have acquired. 

Yamato decides to make himself useful. "Takeru filled us in on a few things. He didn't tell me that you knew about Tai and I though. But it's nice to know we won't have to pretend." The same weariness is in his voice and it makes me wonder about some things.

"How long have you guys… I mean, I know you aren't together because as far as I know you've never cheated on your wife…" Blue and brown eyes almost fall from their sockets and I hear Chibi snicker in the background. He likes getting the drop on people too.

"Where the fuck do you get your information?" Tai stares at me like I've sprouted not just an extra head, but a couple spare bodies. "Only Mimi and Takeru even knew about us…"

"Yeah, Mimi mentioned that, I think," everything is so bland when I explain it. Giving them a recap I explain the lunch and our trip to Eye Spy and… Ken. "Now I'm back here and it looks like I might have to take off sooner than expected. Sucks, you know? I'm home, what, twenty-four hours and already I've got runners after me for that last favor I owe. And I can't turn them down because it's my ass if I do. Not to mention what they'd do to everyone who knows… or anyone they think knows. Did Takeru even tell you about this part?"

For his part, Yamato laughs a little. "Yeah, he was amazed at your tattoos. Seven of them, Dai?"

I nod and he whistles as Taichi shakes his head.

"Well I have eight, so there Pretty Boy." He sticks his tongue out at me.

"Only Ken gets to call me that, Tai. And why are you all inked up? Mimi would've told me if you were into the same mess I'm in." Settling into small talk is nice. It almost makes me forget that Jun will return from work soon and she'll have two little people in tow.

"Nah, mine are just for show," he laughs. Maybe he's psychic, or maybe it's having the same crest locked in our blood. "When does Jun get back?"

"Soon," I say. "We really shouldn't be here when she does either. Unless you want to meet my niece and nephew…" Letting in dangle I watch them process.

"When did she get married?" This from Yamato.

"She's not," I tell them.

"So who's the lucky daddy?" Taichi now.

"You wouldn't believe me if I told you," I rub my face and laugh a little. This day has been loaded with bittersweet goodness for me. It's starting to catch up.

In sync they say: "Try me."

Lo and behold… who walks in the door then? Jun. And Yume. And Tenshi. Precious little twins. They really are darlings. 

"Hey, Dai," she calls somehow knowing I'm here. "You'll never guess who I ran into…" When she enters the kitchen she stops cold. I have to give her credit; she doesn't freak out or try to kill me instantly. "Or maybe you would." She turns to me. "Can I speak to you for a moment?"

"Oh sure." I know it's rude but I'm really trying not to laugh as she all but drags me into the hall. Especially when she skewers me with her next question.

"What the fuck are they fucking doing here?!" Teeth clenched, hissing through her jaw… she's a monument towards all things angry.

"Relax, Junny-Jun," I try and comfort her. Looking around for the twins I hear them in the kitchen talking to our visitors. "I ran into Takeru and Mimi who called these two. Oh and Ken too. And it turns out he loves me, just like I had always dreamed. Nice, huh?"

She still looks non-plussed. "Yeah, that's ducky. So, why are they here again? And congrats on the whole Ken thing." Hands on her hips she's got one eyebrow up and isn't going to let this one go. 

"They wanted to see if it was true." I give her a thin smile hoping it will do. Miracles can still happen… sometimes.

"Uh-huh," her jaw quirks. "Just don't let them overstay their welcome, all right?"

We proceed back into the kitchen and the tension is thick enough to choke on. Taichi is studying the children with acute sensitivity. His eyes are understanding and pained. He knows, of course he does. Looking at me he sighs. "You're right. I wouldn't have believed you."

Yamato nods in agreement and asks the question to end all questions. "So, Jun, um… when did you hook up with Koushiro?"

A sickly sweet smile on her face she turns to the blond. "Right before he started fucking your wife."

Then the pager in my pocket goes off. And all hell breaks loose.

*************

I know that's an overused last line, but I couldn't help it. So, we didn't get to the problem solving and not a lot happened, but I hope this fits the bill. Eventually I swear I'll get this done quicker. Promise! Review or critique as you like I'll love you just the same. ^_^


	7. 6

Notes: Quicker! Quicker updates I tell you!! QUICKER!!!!!

Warnings: things are getting just this side of sketchy now, expect something interesting to happen.

Disclaimers: the kids show never mentions the yakuza, so do you really think I own it?

__

Flash- 6

And all hell breaks loose.

Jun and Yamato are facing off, Taichi is trying to monitor the twins after hearing their mother cuss for the first time, and I'm running for the phone because… damn. Really, I don't think I've ever dialed so fast in my life.

Before he even has a chance to speak I'm already talking to him. "Ken? What's up? You paged me."

There's a soft clicking on the other end. Cell phones, gotta love 'em. "Yeah, Dai. Um, I just talked to Miyako."

"Oh." Shit. Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit…

"So, she's packing a suitcase and calling me every slur in the book and telling me she's taking the kids far away for ever and ever." There's a pause and I can hear a screeching sound in the background. Damn that woman can holler like a freaking banshee when she's pissed! "Want to stop by my place for dinner?"

It's rough, but I think I manage to keep the smirk out of my voice. "Just dinner?" Come on- give me some credit here. It's been seven years. I've waited that long to get in bed with this man and after today, another seven hours might kill me.

Ken laughs a little sounding genuinely happy. It's an amazing noise. "No, I think some celebratory sex might be on the menu as well."

"Well it's about fucking time," I gush. No pun intended in my words. "You better be prepared to fuck and get fucked senseless, Ichijouji. There's been more than seven years worth of planning for this on my part."

Something breaks in the background on the other end of the line and he sighs again. "It's been more than that on my part too, Dai. Meet me at my place and make it soon. She's leaving now." Despite our joking I can hear a shake in his voice. 

"Ken," I keep my words soft, gentle. "I love you. Everything's going to be okay, I promise. We'll figure something out, okay? You'll see them again. That bitch can't keep them away forever." If only I could believe what I'm saying. Our situation at the present moment seems impossible. I'm wrenched back into reality when I hear Jun screaming.

"He's nothing but a whore! JUST LIKE YOUR WIFE!" I think her voice is reaching the core of the earth.

"I've got to go now, Ken. Tai and Yamato stopped in and then Jun came home with my niece and nephew and some serious shit has hit the fan. I'll be there as soon as I can." Glancing over my shoulder I see the blond man red-faced and crying. Jun's crying too. Great- time to do damage control.

"Was that Jun I just heard? She knows about Sora?"

"I think the entire free world knows, Ken." 

There's a chuckle on the other end. "Yeah. Hey, wait, you've got a niece and nephew?"

"Yep. I'm a proud uncle of twins. It's a long story and I'll tell you when I see you. Or sometime during all of it. After all, we've got seven years worth of sex to catch up on." I'm smiling now, I can't help it. Something about Ken Ichijouji makes me tingle- spine to toes. God damn, I can't wait to slap that ass.

There's a sound something like a door slamming and Ken is still chuckling. "I should have known you'd be a horny bastard," Ken mutters. "Not that I'm one to talk. I might just wait for you naked…"

"I'll be there as soon as humanly possible," I promise him. We exchange good-byes and hang up.

Turning back to the party in the kitchen I see something that's been years in the making. Yamato and Jun are hugging one another so fiercely it looks like it hurts. Tai is just watching with sympathetic eyes. My sister, ever the pillar of strength, is comforting the Chosen of Friendship. Her hand strokes his back as she carefully guides him to his lover's waiting arms. I can hear Taichi's hushed voice.

"Yama, it's okay," he's murmuring. "You'll always have me. This isn't the end of everything, it's the beginning." And he's right. It is only the beginning.

I step up to the group and meet Jun's liquid copper gaze. Before saying anything I bend down and scoop up my niece. "Hey, Yume," my voice is gentle, she's just a kid after all. "Why don't you and your brother go hang out in your room for a bit, okay?" Something about this pair of children tells me that the female is the strong one. She must take after her mother. "Your mom or I will be in there in a couple minutes, all right?"

The little girl nods and I set her down. Kissing each of them on the forehead I watch as Yume takes Tenshi's hand and they toddle off to their room to wait. With something akin to regret I focus on my sister once again. "They ever seen you blow up like that before?"

She nods. "Once," is all she's willing to supply right now. "You just call Ken?"

"Yeah," glancing at Yamato and Taichi I see them gazing into one another's eyes lost to the world. "Seven years, Jun," I reason with her. "That's a long time."

"Yes, it is, Daisuke. Take care of yourself, all right? You look like you're gearing up to leave again." Her words are careful, measured. She knows me all too well.

"Yeah, Jun. There's some stuff I need to tell you. Like the reasons why I have the tattoos and why I can't see Mom and Dad, and why I was gone for so long." If I could look her in the face for this I would. But part of me really is almost ashamed to tell her. "All that money I sent you, it had to come from somewhere, right?"

She nods and her face sags a little looking weary. "How did you get it, Dai? Listen, if you owe-"

"That's not it, Junny-Jun. That's not it at all." Pulling it together I look up, into her eyes, into her face. "Hi," I hold out my hand, "Motomiya Daisuke. Former errand boy promoted to pusher for the yakuza in the Odaiba, Nihombashi, and Kanda districts, not to mention half of Ueno. Pleased to meet you." Not surprisingly, she doesn't shake hands.

"No fucking way," she breathes. "You sent me freaking drug money?! You worked the red light district and didn't tell me? You little bastard!" This is pretty much the reaction I expected. Then she stops and something seems to sink in. "That's why you have to leave again, isn't it?"

"Yeah," my throat is gravelly and I have to cough and clear it. "I wish I didn't. Everything is finally settling down, falling into place and it just figures that now I've got to run again."

"Then stay," she pleads with me, a hand on my arm. Eyes serious, she looks so much like Mom it's scary.

"Wish I could, Junny. But, a favor's a favor and this one means I either cough up the ultimate price or do one last disappearing act. Either way, you won't be hearing from me ever again. It's bad enough that so many of you guys know about it at this stage in the game. They found out I was back a lot faster than I anticipated." Chewing my lip for a minute I hear her sigh in defeat.

"If that's the way it has to be," she finally concedes.

"It is." I nod and add, "I really wish it didn't have to be, but it does. Look on the bright side though- I'm not your brother by blood so it won't be that bad, will it?" When she gives me I hard glance I raise my hands in mock defeat. "Just trying to lighten the situation with a little black humor. It does a body good sometimes."

That's when the couple in the corner throws in their two cents. "You know it doesn't have to be that way, Daisuke," Taichi pipes up. "Can't you bargain with them at all? I mean- yeah it's favors for favors but what if you go back in and break down that one big favor into a few little ones or something…?"

Looking at him, I see my idol leaning against the counter relaxed to all the world, one hand clasped tightly around Yamato's. "It sounds like a good idea. But we'll have to see." Yamato is being awfully quiet. "You got anything to add to that? Or are you content to watch me go down in flames?"

The blond man shakes his head. "Not flames, Daisuke. More like Napalm. But that's always been your style." Stopping for a moment he studies me for a reaction. "Just be careful. Seven years is a long time. Tai and Mimi followed a piece of your trail, you don't know if anyone else did too."

Instantly alert I begin to wish I at least had a knife on me. "You didn't…"

"No," he confirms. "But I'm just saying it's better to be safe than sorry, Dai. For what it's worth I missed you too. It's not only Tai's legacy that you carry, it's mine too. Just be careful. That's all I'm saying."

"Understood," my heart is racing from adrenaline. It's hard to imagine another one of the Chosen following my path. No wonder Taichi and Yamato are so anxious to protect me. "It was good to see you guys though."

Tai raises an eyebrow. "But…"

I smile at him trying to be badass but managing to be coy. Ken does that to me. Only Ken. "He paged me. His wife packed and split taking the kiddies with her. He needs me and I need him. Really, I wish I could stick around longer. But…"

"Yeah," Yama nods. "It's okay, Dai. We understand."

"Better than most," Taichi adds. "Go to him. He's waiting."

There's some tearful hugging before my departure. This good-bye feels so final. It wasn't supposed to be this way. Everything was supposed to go fine. I hadn't planned on even seeing any of them. Sometimes even the best of plans get fucked up, I guess. Trudging down the street I head off toward Ken's, my mind lost in memory but still alert to whatever might be out there. Behind me I can feel not just the weight of my past, but the pressure of a shadow. Someone's tailing me.

Just when my mood was starting to lighten up too. Dammit. Keeping my pace normal I don't glance around. How do I know there's someone back there? I can hear them. Whoever it is, is being very sloppy about their job. Reflections on a few windows give my shadow away too. Turning a corner I decide to duck into a side street and wait for my target to pass by. Funny, I picked pockets for a while too- when I first left. This maneuver takes me back. Damn…

He's getting close. I can hear him. Doesn't want to lose sight of me so he speeds up a little. A few more seconds and he'll be right in front of me and I can get some answers. My mark is passing the comfy little hiding place I've found when I reach out and grab him. One hand over his mouth, my other arm around his throat, I pull him out of public view with me. There's a brief struggle and I feel a sharp elbow in my stomach. Thank everything I can think of for gyms. The blow doesn't stun me the way my mark expects and he hesitates for a minute. Oh well, his loss…

Clutching him tighter I proceed further down the street, further away from lingering eyes. Finally, I stop and throw him against a wall as I set my bag down on the pavement. Chibimon pokes his head out and gasps with me. 

"Takeru? Why the fuck are you following me?"

He coughs, massaging his throat. "You've got a pretty strong grip you know that?" Muttering to himself he keeps trying to rub the pain away. Wont' work, I know having experienced it myself.

"Quit dodging the question. Why were you following me?"

Aqua eyes raise to meet me and time slows. He's reacting faster than I anticipated, but I'm still prepared. I've had more practice at this than he has. After all, he's the Child of Hope and Hope isn't naturally a violent thing. Courage is though. Takeru is moving for me but instead of catching me, all he gets is an upper cut to the jaw, which subsequently throws him back against the wall again.

"What the fuck are you doing, blondie?" My body is relaxed, ready for action, in a fighting stance. "Stop wasting my time and answer me."

He rubs his jaw and I can see a thin trail of blood leaking from the corner of his mouth. Damn, must've hit him harder than I meant to. But this is getting way to sketchy. Something's off kilter here in a big, bad way. Then he's laughing. And that, more than anything, disarms me.

"You just don't get it, do you, Dai?" His voice is scathing. "You weren't supposed to contact the others. They weren't even supposed to know you had come back into town. It was okay for Jun to know because who was she going to tell? But, no! Instead you had to go and fuck up everything for me and now I don't even think I'll get paid!"

__

"Just be careful. Seven years is a long time. Tai and Mimi followed a piece of your trail, you don't know if anyone else did too…"

No. Fucking. Way. It was a warning. "What are you talking about?" Rushing him, I pin him to the wall easily as he flails and tries to escape. I notice the circles under his eyes look more pronounced now, his face isn't just thin, it's gaunt- stretched almost too tightly over the bones. No wonder he can't fight me. "What did you do you little bitch?"

Aqua fire pierces me. "You weren't supposed to see them. That way, they wouldn't know and they could all go on thinking what I had already told them. Of course, it was supposed to be taken care of hours ago, but I let personal conflict get in the way. Forgot rule number one: leave emotion at the door." This can't be happening. Not like this. How did this get by me?!

"Ken," I hiss at him. "You better not have done anything to him-"

"Relax, Princess," he coughs against my forearm which is still pinning his throat. "Your baby's fine. I just wanted you to know what was going on. How much he really cares for you. Too bad he won't ever get to see you again." 

I hear a click and react without thinking. A metallic click like that means only one thing. This little punk's got a knife. What a rookie. Stepping back I kick out at the hand that holds the blade and he drops it. Before he can blink he's pinned again. "I hope that's not the only one you've got on you, TK," I make his name a venomous hiss. "Because I would love any excuse to kick the living shit out of you."

"You won't get a chance," he grins at me and fights against my grip. Doesn't he know anything? "You owe a favor and it's being called in."

"How the fuck would you…" No. It just can't be.

"I was sent to collect you," he sneers. "But it looks to me like you're resisting. Which leaves only one option."

Well, I guess now I know what Takeru was doing when he wandered off into oblivion. Still, my source never mentioned this. I knew some things- but not this. "You cheap little motherfucker," I hiss at him. "You sold me out!"

The blond grins again and gives his best impression of a sinister laugh. Not as good as Ken's stint as the Kaiser, but close. "You finally figured it out. Good for you, Motomiya. But, alas, you are still resisting me. Which means you'll just have to die." His entire demeanor is changing like liquid before my eyes. However, I've still got a few tricks up my sleeve. Even if they're short.

"What'd they buy you for, huh? What did they offer you? Everyone has a price. The yakuza works on that principle. Not that power and ammo will get you places, but that everyone can be bought. What did you sell out for, Takaishi?" It's the first time since I've been home that I've dropped every pretense I've got. And this… this is nothing. I haven't even laid all my cards on the table.

"Oh at first it was nothing, Motomiya," he slowly pushes me off, but only because I let him. On his best day this runt is no match for me- in brains or brawn. "When you vanished your old boss thought it would be good for you. You know, take a vacation. But after seven years, Daisuke? Well, as you can imagine, they gave me your old job and your boss determined you were nothing more than a loose end. Normally when shit goes down like this the runner is given so much time to sort out his affairs before his final job. They gave you the allotted time, but then you still didn't come back." 

We're facing off to one another as the daylight begins to dwindle. Shadows stretch along this empty side road. Out of the corner of my eye I notice that it dead-ends. Only one way in and one way out. That little shit- he planned for this. Well, I can give him something he could never have planned for. But he's still bent on talking, so I'll let him waste some time. After all, once I'm done here I'll still have one more stop to make before visiting Ken.

"But then there was this little coup d'etat, you see. And your boss was… 'overthrown'," he even supplies the air quotes. "Before you could return things already changed and a new power was on the rise. But, I'm sure you knew that." He looks at me and catches my subtle nod. Indeed, I did know. I know more than he can imagine. "And then, ultimately, I was weighed against you. Even though I knew you weren't coming back I was still pitted against you. This fucking _ghost_ from the past! Do you know what that did for me?!" He's raging now. And I think I'm starting to see where those mood swings come from. My own anger is starting to boil. Someone's going to have to answer for my lack of information…

"So I gave them whatever I had. _Everything_, Daisuke. Do you understand what I'm saying? Every last god damn thing in my possession. And it still wasn't enough. But, then, I remembered I had something to give that no one else could offer up." Here it comes… "You."

The snort I give is bitter and escapes before I can really stop it. "You gave them more than you had rights to give, Takaishi. I heard about what happened to Yamato a couple years ago. How he was mugged, and beaten, and would have been raped if Taichi hadn't shown up when he did. It's a good thing Tai loves your brother so much. I know how yakuza guys work out- he couldn't have taken them all without extra adrenaline and anger on his side."

The blond stops from the pacing he started as I was talking and gives me a careful glance. "True," he agrees. "When you fight like you've got nothing left to lose it always gives an advantage." That predatory grin is back. "And that's why this time, Daisuke, you can't beat me. You've got something to lose now."

There's a growl behind me. Chibimon has seen plenty of these fights go down in his time. But I'll be dammed if I let him do my dirty work. "Chibi," my voice is deadly, "do me a favor and go scout at the end of the road. We don't want any interruptions while I beat the piss out of Takaishi."

"Sure thing, Dai," his voice pipes up, and I hear him scamper off. He's good at recon. Always nice to have a partner.

"You never answered my question," I say after a few moments of silence. The noise of the city is distant, but surely only a couple dozen meters away. However, without daylight no one can see what we're going. "What did they offer you? And don't tell me it was Keiko."

"You shut the fuck up!" Takeru is pointing at me and shouting. "You don't know a fucking thing about me and Keiko. So don't you even say her name you son of a bitch."

Tsking him, I shake my head. "You don't know anything about my mother, Takaishi, so leave her out of this." It's fun to be formal in a fight. Someone like Takeru will always get frustrated with it. Depersonalize, that's the key. Especially when you know your enemy as intimately as I know mine. "But, getting back to Keiko… she's a geisha, Takaishi." Although, not quite so formal. However, now's not the time to drop informal terms on the apparent love of Takeru's life.

"She is not," he roars at me. It's been a while since I've heard voice inflection like that. Seriously though, he's roaring as accompaniment to his anger. These are the silly thoughts that flash through my head- they keep me calm, from spazzing out.

"She's nothing more than a call girl. She's a hooker, Takaishi! You sold out everything and everyone you love for a prostitute! Even your brother, you sick fuck," it's difficult to watch this, but his world is crashing down. Still, there's more fuel for the fire. "First she got you all strung out on the shit you were selling and then she fucked you until you were retarded. Then she walked out on you. You think that's _love_?" The tears in his eyes make them shimmer in the looming twilight. It's almost enough to make me pity him, but not quite.

"She is my life," he breathed. "She's everything to me." Collecting himself he fixes me with a glare and stands tall. Well, as tall as he can. Even at his full height I'm still bigger. It's actually kinda funny. "Now all I have to do is take care of you and-"

"And what, Takaishi? You think they'll just give her to you once I'm dead? Think again. They played you! Every time she sucked your cock she got paid more than both of us combined. Every time she was in your bed you paid for it. They used you, Takeru, as surely as they use anyone else. Someday I hope you see that." My speech completed I hit him with another upper cut and step around him to deliver a hardcore kidney punch. Finally, a hard clip across his temple and he crumples like a freaking rag doll- he's down for the count. 

Reaching in my pocket I pull out my leather gloves. Never know when you'll need a pair. Bending down I pick up TK's knife, close it, and put it in my pocket. Giving him one last kick, just for good measure, I mutter, "Dumb motherfucker."

It's time to find Wallace, but first I've got to run a couple errands. There's an ATM nearby, so there goes errand number one. Another block away I find an internet café and fire off a couple emails that need to go out. Then I use the payphone.

His voice is gruff when he answers, like I woke him out of a sound sleep or something. "What the fuck do you want?"

"Wallace," I keep calm, smooth, cold as ice, yeah that's me. "Something just came to my attention and I need to meet with you about five minutes ago. Usual place?"

He's barely registering this, I can tell. Good. Element of surprise is always a plus. "Yeah, I'll be waiting. How long you going to be?"

"Give me ten minutes and I'll be there." I hang up and start on my journey. Really, it will take me less than five, but he doesn't need to know that. Asshole sold me out to Takaishi. I get him all set up here in Japan, give him a nice cushy job and life and how does he repay me? This is utter bullshit. 

Our "usual place" is actually the alleyway next to his apartment building. He's got two apartments. One for his regular public life and another for the gopher work he does for the yakuza. I know he's staying in the shithole since that's where I just called. Sliding into the shadows I wait, patiently, for my prey. "Come on you little prick. Get your ass out here…" I'm whispering to myself. First sing of insanity they say: talking to yourself.

There he is… Stumbling like a drunken bastard down the fire escape. Our meeting spot is right below it. He stands there and looks around for a minute or two before lighting a cigarette. Deciding to wait, I watch him smoke it, then put it out. So many cancer fiends out there. Ticking off the seconds in my mind I wait for another minute, then step forward. From where I was hidden it looks like I'm just arriving.

"Wallace," I call and nod. He nods back. Without waiting for him to speak I punch him sending him sprawling further back into the alley. "How's it goin', man?"

The American sputters for a minute trying to comprehend what the hell just happened. "Dai?" His blue eyes are luminous, fearful, questioning. "What the shit is this?"

"Nothing," I reply shortly. "I had a run in with Takaishi. Guess what he told me that you definitely neglected to mention." Reaching into my pocket I absently stroke the weapon hidden there thinking of how perfect all of this will be. But no, I must wait until he coughs up some information for me.

Chibimon, however, seems to know what I'm thinking. I know he doesn't like it, but then, he doesn't have to. Someone's got to get this shit done and it might as well be me since it's my ass we're talking about here. "You don't have to do things this way," the blue dragon speaks behind me. Unfortunately, he knows he's lying and he knows I can tell that too. It's a sad, sad state of affairs.

"It looks like I don't have much of a choice, Chibi." Glancing over my shoulder I meet his ruby eyes. In his own way, my digimon is one of the most beautiful creatures ever to grace my life. And I wonder what will happen to him when I die. All digimon are reborn… That thinking time costs me though. A fist connects with my cheek and stuns me for a moment. Too bad, really. I was going to give him a chance. Now… well…

Wallace punches me in the stomach and I take it like a trooper. Another hard hit across my face and then I stop him with a perfectly timed crack at his knee. It's a weak spot for him since the cartilage began to wear away a couple years ago. Ligaments and bone and other assorted tissues snap with a sickening wet sound and he cries out, losing his balance. 

"Too bad," I tell him. "You were putting up a pretty good fight. I think back in the day you would've given me a run for my money. However, we live in the present, in reality- as it were. So, how's about you be a friend and tell me what's really been going on." Giving him a quick summation of Takeru's past seven years I watch as he just nods. Which sucks, because I know both of them are telling the truth now.

"He wasn't lying, Dai. Shit man, I wish I had just told you now." He looks up at me, blond hair hanging in his face. It reminds me of when we were twelve for some reason, so I hit him again to make the memory go away. "You gonna turn me in?"

Stooping, I decide to help him up. "No," I reply evenly. "I'm not gonna turn you in." Reaching into my pocket I click open the blade and in one swift motion shove the metal into his heart. Between the third and fourth rib, that's the ticket. Right in there. Wide blue eyes stare at me in horror, in shock. Twisting the knife a little bit I feel him clutch at me desperately in his last attempt to hold onto this world. "You forgot who I am, Wallace. I hope your next life treats you better," I whisper my good-bye in his ear and drop him onto the pavement. Leaving the knife protruding from his chest I peel off my gloves and put them back in my pockets. This is all well and good, but now I'm behind schedule. Shit. I had planned to make one last stop too… Looks like I won't get to it. Oh well, this is good enough. With Takaishi's prints on the murder weapon all is well. Especially since I only beat him up a little. He'll get charged with this one. Fine with me.

Turning to leave, I pick up my bag and offer an open spot to Chibimon. His eyes are tired and sad. "I wish you wouldn't do things like that," he says quietly.

"I know," is all I can say to him. As we walk through the streets of Tokyo, I enjoy what will be my last night in this city- ever. Probably my last night on earth. When I reach Ken's building I turn my back to the door and blow a kiss out into the streets. "It's been real," I whisper. Then I go inside where Ken buzzes me in. Walking up the stairs I try not to cry, but it happens anyway.

When I lift my hand to knock he's already there. Through my tears I see him, his eyes… they're so understanding. He kisses me and everything fades away. The whole world disappears. There is nothing but Ken. He pulls me inside his apartment and comforts me as I cry. But I don't tell him why I'm so upset. He'll know soon enough. I love him so much…

************

Okay kids… hope you liked this part. After the last one I needed to put in some action. Up next: **_CITRUS_**. Aw yeah… get rowdy now… And yes, originally I was going to write in Dai's last errand but opted not to. Fear not though, all shall be explained. One more chapter and then an epilogue and this bad boy will be put to bed! It's been real! **kiss** Review or criticize as you like- I love you all anyway!!


	8. 7

Notes: what's up? Okay, bear with me here. It's Saturday night… er, really early Sunday morning and I've had some "special" coffee and about three margaritas. And let me tell you… they were all _bangin_. So, here's this chapter- there's an epilogue to follow shortly after. And….. **update**: the next chapter to Shinwa will be posted 1-3 (possibly 4) days after the epilogue to this fic. I've been placed under something similar to a blood oath to get the chapter up and I don't want to disappoint. Enjoy!

Warnings: sexual encounters of the YAOI kind- excellent. There's a lot of cursing too. But hey, I think it adds to the story. But that's just me- what do I know?

Disclaimer: if I owned these characters or the show they come from season 2 would have ended very differently and it never could have aired as part of the Fox Kids lineup.

__

Flash- 7

Ken just holds me and lets me cry everything out. All of the excess tension that was building. Every pent up feeling from my entire life, basically. Forget just the seven long and highly fucked up years I've been gone. This is from then and all the years before it when I felt neglected. 

Eventually, when I can't even tell if I've cried myself out or not, Ken kisses me. That feeling that hit me in his office is back. Everything fades away and I feel so safe. His tongue is in my mouth, tasting me and exploring me. My tongue is tracing the line of his as we move together in a way I doubted could ever happen with my best friend. Hands smooth gentle circles on my back, pulling me closer. The line of his body is so comforting and warm, firm against me. God, I've waited so long for this night to come…

We break for a moment and he looks into my eyes with such seriousness. "Daisuke," he breathes, "are you sure this is okay?"

Giving him a soft smile I kiss him quickly. "I should be the one asking you that. You've got the wife and kids here, not me. There's so much more on the line for you."

And then, there's something like relief mixed with awe in his eyes. Ken is smiling at me, pulling me closer. "No," his voice is quiet. "There isn't anything on the line. Not anymore."

Before we get lost in one another again I hear Chibimon shuffle out of my bag. He tugs on the leg of my pants. "Um, Daisuke?" Those eyes are like rubies- glittering at me with unchecked amounts of hope.

"Don't worry," my grin spreads. "I didn't forget about you." Looking back up at Ken, I clear my throat. "So… is Wormmon here at all? By any chance…?"

Indigo eyes blink once, twice, and then comprehension hits him. Letting go of me he kneels down in front of my digimon. "I think he would be overjoyed to see you right now, Chibimon." The smile on Ken's face is so endearing. Scooping up Chibi, he walks through his apartment making sure I follow. We wander through the spacious living room. Aside from pictures of his soon to be ex-wife and darling children it's very nicely decorated. I see Miyako never really got a say in the layout of most of the apartment. Nice.

Moving through room by room, we reach the master bedroom. On the bed there's a small, sleeping bundle of green. "Wormmon," Ken shakes him awake ever so gently. "There's someone here who would like to talk with you." See? My Ken- he's so damn intelligent. Because he's right. Chibi wants to talk with Wormmon, not to him or at him. "Why don't you two go out to the kitchen? You know where everything is…"

Words dangle in the air that's already filled with so many delicious kinds of tension. The insect type digimon looks up seeing his Jogress partner and leaps through the air. Shit, I never the little guy had it in him! In a blur of blue and green they hug and gasp and cry their way out the door, rolling together towards the rest of the apartment.

That's when Ken turns to me with a look I've waited so long to see. Hunger. Desire. Need. _Love_. "Daisuke?"

"I'm coming Ken, don't worry." Closing the door behind me, I move towards him as I smile. 

"Not yet, you aren't," he shoots back at me raising an eyebrow. Oh damn… That's the kind of stuff I like to hear!

Minutes either speed up or melt away completely- I can't even tell. All I can do is feel. We're in each other's arms kissing so fiercely it nearly hurts. Clothing is being torn away with impatience that I had forgotten after my teenage years. Yeah, it's been a while since I got laid. At least, like this anyway. Tongues pushing our hips are grinding together and it's making me so hot I feel like I'm going to combust. But, that would be such a waste. After that there's only the sensation of Ken. His hands, his tongue, his body… I lose count of all the times everything happens. The feeling of him inside me and me inside him. It's all so intense and burning with the satisfaction of an old ache finally quenched. All the lust, love, and passion that's built up over the years boils over leaving us sweating, naked, and panting together amidst a mess of sheets and tangled limbs. It's absolutely amazing. Nothing has ever felt like this before.

So much time later we're lying together. Just lying there- fingers brushing over skin and eyes darting across angles and planes we never thought we'd get to see. So many things we never thought would happen. Finally, it's all come together. Too bad I know it can't last. However, it's moments like this that make me grateful I came home. These precious minutes remind me of all the things I loved about my home, all the reasons I stayed. Between lingering hope and fierce longing, I thought I had lost Ken forever and now he's here. With me, in bed after deliriously amazing sex that I don't even know how to classify. Because there's sex, there's making love, and then there's just fucking. But I think in the last few hours, Ken and I have covered all three- multiple times.

The night is quiet around us. As we study one another in the hush and afterglow, Ken looks at me with intense concentration. Breaking the silence he whispers, "Why did you stay away for so long, Daisuke?"

With something like shame, I cup his cheek and smile as he nuzzles against my hand. "I'm not sure really," I finally answer. "Maybe I was just scared of seeing you and dealing with all of this crazy shit again. I mean, honestly? The rest of the Destined seemed to look down on me if not out right despise me. Some weird things have happened since I've been gone too, like 'Kari and Iori getting married." He laughs at that one. "Seriously though," I continue. "What the fuck is going on with that? It's just not right in my book." Ken stops chuckling when I admit, "But it was still a far cry better than you and Miyako." 

The look on his face kills me. "That's over now. No more being scared of her, all right? It's just you and me… and Wormmon and Chibimon." His smile is contagious. Damn afterglow…

"Too true," I agree pulling him close for a kiss. When we break I can't help but run my fingers through his hair. It's so silky it's like liquid flowing across my hand. "When she came in at graduation I thought the earth had dropped out from under me. It was too much, so I just took off. There was no way I would have been able to go to your wedding. I think I would have cried or maybe just slit my wrists or something." A bitter laugh accompanies my words and I know he understands why I'm laughing about it now.

"I know," Ken says quietly. The post coital hush is still hanging in the air. "But I still don't understand why you went to the yakuza. They aren't exactly known for their sparkling reputation, Dai." A line appears between his eyebrows. He's just being cynical now. Not that I know what that's like or anything.

"I didn't think you would ever look at me the way you looked at her. They gave me a way out. It was an escape. And the fact that I could have been killed at any time only added to that security." A puzzled look greets this statement. "Because I didn't care about my life at that time. Now I do, but then… nothing mattered then. Because I didn't have you. I couldn't have you."

Ken's quiet for a few minutes before he kisses me rekindling all the passion from earlier. Soon we're lost in each other again. Reveling in the silken wetness of flesh and sex…

Sometime later he's sleeping soundly as I watch him. There's a smile on his face. It's faint, but I can see it. And it's good to know he's happy. But it sucks knowing it's not going to last, and that's my fault. Somehow it doesn't seem fair that I can both create and destroy this kind of ecstasy within the man I love. Something about that doesn't seem right. Sighing, I kiss his forehead gently and rise from the bed.

Against one wall there's a desk. Pulling out the chair I stop before sitting and glance back at the beautiful man resting on the bed. His hair like twilight against the whiteness of the sheets, his skin almost as pale as the fabric. Eyes closed in slumber, his lashes curve like a dark whisper against his cheek. My heart feels so heavy with what I'm about to do. This is just so fucking hard. No one ever told me love was such an impossible thing. It's with every fiber of my being that I wish things could have turned out differently. Because I know that come daylight I'll have to leave- or worse yet, stay and let Ken watch as I die. Swallowing away the regret in my throat I sit at the desk. No, no… I can't start crying again now, there's too much that needs to get done. Face contorting, I rub at my temples and squeeze my eyes shut. They burn with the need to shed more tears. But I can't. For Ken's sake, for Chibimon's sake, for Wormmon's sake, for Jun's sake, for the twins… I have to remain strong and get this last thing done. My hand is shaking as I grasp the pen and paper and begin to write…

A few hours later I've finished everything and wandered into the kitchen just as I heard the first murmurs of Ken returning to the waking world. I pull out some pans and rummage through the fridge and cabinets. Damn Americans got me all addicted to fatty foods. Fucking pancakes are the most amazing things in the morning ever. Well, aside from sex. Morning sex is always a plus too. Sad to say, but Ken hasn't got the goods to make the meal I wanted to surprise him with. Dammit. Frustrated now, I put all the pans back as he ambles out of his bedroom.

"Dai," his voice is still thick with sleep as he half yawns. "What're you doing? And why the fuck are you up so early? I was hoping you would still be in bed when I woke up." Arms wrap around me from behind and a soft tongue quickly licks my neck. "Come back to bed with me," Ken murmurs, voice seductive. How could I ever be expected to leave this?

Turning, I face him. As he pulls his hands away I catch them and look into his eyes. "Ken, there's some things I should tell you."

He shakes his head. "No," he's protesting. "Not now. Right now there's only us. Forget the outside world, forget the fucking yakuza, forget all that other shit- right now it's only you and me." Kissing me swiftly he cups my face. "Forever," he whispers.

"I wish it could be," my voice is breaking again. Shit, I swore I would stay strong for this part too. "Just hear me out." I place my hand over his mouth. "Ken, if I stay they're going to kill me. It's only a matter of time. I did some stuff that can't be let go. Do you understand? If I don't run now you're going to have to deal with putting me in the ground or scattering my ashes or whatever. I will get caught and I will die." Stopping, I swallow and continue. "Unless I run, right now, and never look back. But you can't come with me if I run. You can't even know where I'm going." It feels like I'm dying inside as I watch his eyes fill with tears. Removing my hand I let him speak.

"What do you want from me, Daisuke? What? My wife has left me because of you and taken my children and now you're telling me you're going to die or disappear because of it!" Angry, he's definitely angry now. And I can't say I blame him. "What do you want from me? I've sacrificed everything for you!"

Hushing him again I grab his hands and pull him to me in an embrace. "I need you to make a decision. You need to decide which you would rather have, Ken. I can stay and you can watch me die or this all ends right now. Who knows, maybe I'll be able to come back or have you meet me later on after all. Only time will tell, Ken." I can't do this, I just can't do this. Don't make me do this, Ken. It's going to kill me either way. Please find another solution.

"Why are those your only choices?" Ken is crying against my shoulder, his arms are around me. Pulling back a little he looks into my eyes. "Why can't I go with you, Dai?"

"Because you could get killed. And people would notice if you were gone, Ken. After all, you're still a famous figure here. Someone would start looking for you if you vanished. But, me?" I shake my head. "No one looks for me, Ken. After seven years I know that if nothing else. I know you wanted to and I know two other people tried, but ultimately, no one hunts me down. Even the yakuza is willing to let me go. In a few months maybe a year I could contact you again through a newspaper ad or something and we could be together again. But you'd have to give up everything and start another life, Ken."

"But my kids-"

"I know, Ken." Looking down, I take a deep breath. "That's why I'm asking you to decide right now. Not in an hour, not in five minutes or five days, right now." When he pulls away completely I feel my eyes close as a few tears fall down my face. Not even a trace of warmth lingers from where he was pressed against me. And in that moment I know what my vote is. I would rather die now than spend any more time without him.

"I can't do this, Daisuke!" He's crying freely now too, arms flailing as he paces the length of the kitchen. "You can't ask me to do this. It's not up to me to decide whether you live or die. All I know is that I want you here, with me forever. And for fuck's sake I'm willing to fight with everything I have to keep you here and alive. Nothing can come between us again, Dai. I can't let it!" Ken is almost screaming now and his face so full of grief that it must be painful. "Don't ask me to make this decision. I can't do it," he starts to sink to the ground but I move toward him and pull him close again.

"Then I'll stay, Ken," I'm whispering in his ear. A whisper is all I can manage. My throat is too full of emotional things to properly speak. "I'll stay right here with you. I can't imagine facing another day without you, Ken. I love you so much that it fucking hurts, okay? Even now when you stepped away from me I thought I was going to break down because I thought you didn't want me again." Ken is crying against me, I'm holding him impossibly close and we're both shaking like brittle leaves. "I'll stay," I whisper. "But it means I won't be here for much longer. You have to know that, Ken. It's only fair if I tell you."

"I know," he sniffles. "I know you'll be dead soon- most likely anyway. But I can't let you go again, Dai. I just can't. It killed me when you left last time. I told you earlier that I'm not doing that again. I can't. I _won't_. And I can't keep waiting for you. That would ruin me, Daisuke. I need you." His cheek is pressed against mine and I can feel his tears falling, the warm liquid sliding between our skin. Then he's kissing me again- it's something wild and desperate. A need to make these last few hours count for everything they're worth.

This time we're barely coherent of anything. If there is a world outside of Ken's body I can't remember it. There is nothing but him. We move together in staggering lust to the bathroom. When he pulls away to turn on the shower I move behind him and kiss my way across his shoulders. My hands trace patterns on his stomach and move lower. Ken moans, leaning back against me arms moving behind him to pull me closer. Once more, clothing falls away as we move in the steam and mist of the shower. Everything after that is tightly wound and blistering. Ken is screaming, I'm screaming, we're both crying and trying so desperately to prove to the universe that we belong together. Nothing should have to come between us. Not even death.

Sometime later after we're dry and dressed we find our digimon watching TV. Scooping Chibimon up I give him a tight hug. He's been my best friend aside from Ken and I know he understands what's going to happen now, but that doesn't make it any easier. "I love you, Chibi," I whisper to him quietly. 

"Love you too, Daisuke. You're the best destined I could have been paired with. You earned every digimental you got and then some. I love you, Dai." The small blue dragon is cuddling into me. It's obvious that we're both trying not to cry and equally obvious that it's still happening. Eventually we pull Ken and Wormmon into our hug and the four of us all hold each other in a last stinging remnant of Jogress energy. Everything in my life has lead up to this- to being with Ken, to Chibi being with Wormmon, to all of us together wishing that everything will be okay. Maybe the universe will hear us after all.

After that, Ken and I depart for the market deciding to buy the ingredients necessary for me to make the pancakes I wanted earlier. Despite the growing black cloud over me, our outing is whimsical. Ken and I whirl through the streets not caring if people see us together. Hands clasped together, fingers interwoven we smile at one another as we move along. There must be a sparkle in my eyes that matches the one in Ken's. He's just so beautiful. How could I have even thought of leaving him? Why didn't I come back sooner? Strike all of that. I know why. If anything happens to Ken, I don't know what will become of me. But I know he can handle it if I die. After all, this could very well be my last day on earth. Might as well live it up while I can.

The market is fairly crowded and we move closer together, almost in unison. Our fear has started to seep into the day, tainting it. Finally, turning to him I cup his cheek. "Ken, we can't let this get to us. It'll ruin everything we've shared. Just try and live your life. If something happens, then it happens. We can't stop it and we can't stop loving each other. Just promise me." Kissing him I give him a sweet smile that he returns with tender awe as he nods. In a completely childish gesture I rub my nose against his and then quickly lick the end. "Mine."

Ken wrinkles his nose and rubs at it. "Did you have to do that? Now all I can smell is you and that's highly distracting." Winking at me he grabs a basket and strolls ahead putting an extra sway in his walk. His hips move in a beat only the two of us hear. And I must be drooling because I'm getting a lot of weird looks from other people. But screw them. My man is HOT!

Catching up with him I laugh. Just simple shit like grocery shopping with Ken is enough to send me in paroxysms of delight. I'm watching this refined, beautiful man mulling through the market doing such trivial things. And I think he looks too princely to be real. He can't really be standing in front of me.

Ken turns to me and offers a smile- the kind that makes me forget I have a body. As he shakes his head he laughs as I openly stare at him. "Dai," his voice goes straight to my hormonal drives- down boy! "I love you. Don't ever change." Then he kisses me and continues shopping. And I think I must be the luckiest son of a bitch in the world.

I tell him I love him too and that I'm going to head a couple aisles over to grab something we forgot. Really, I'm just making an excuse to buy him flowers. While I'm certain he knows this he does an impeccable job hiding it. Marvelous that Ichijouji Ken is, simply mah-velous.

Colored petals spread out before me but I know exactly what I want. Iris, Ken likes iris- color doesn't really matter. But, of course black are his favorite but fuck that. Those things are expensive! Besides, I would have to special order them anyway. A simple sextet of purple iris, those will make him happy. Going to pay the man behind the counter I feel it. The looming shadow behind me. I try to distract myself and bullshit about the weather and news and sports or something. Plans don't work though. When I turn around again I know exactly what's going to happen. Even that last flashing moment though, I'm thinking of Ken. My eyes dart around to find escape, but there's no getting out of this.

"Stop," my voice is calm. "Please don't do this." Such a wasted effort. It's simply words falling on deaf ears.

Time suddenly explodes, or maybe that's just the regular sound. As soon as my voice sounds the last syllable of the sentence he pulls the trigger. Eyes going wide, I stagger backwards as I'm hit in the chest. After the sudden noise of the gunshot there's this odd peace. Certain sounds echo: my feet slipping on the tile floor as I fall, the startled gurgles coming from my throat, the cold whisper of "Your debt has been paid", the man behind the counter yelling for help, the iris I bought Ken hitting the floor and scattering…

The world is getting dim and it's getting hard to breathe. But then he's there- my beloved Ken. He's talking to me and I have to focus. The world snaps into aching clarity again, the echoing sounds abruptly vanish. I notice right away that he's crying.

"Daisuke," his hands are everywhere, clutching mine to his chest, touching my face. "Daisuke," he says again. "What happened? Was it one of them? No, Daisuke! Don't leave me." The last is in a whisper.

For some reason my voice feels thick. "Ken," I manage to get out. "I love you. Don't ever forget that."

The world is starting to fade again and I hear one last thing. Ken, he's screaming.

"_DAISUKE_!!!"

My world becomes dark.

*************

Yes, there's an epilogue. I'm sorry if this disappoints anyone, but this is how I had planned on ending this fic right from the get-go. As I'm sure you can tell, I decided to wait a little while to post this after typing out that note up top… yeah… oops! No more alcohol for me! So, I hope you enjoyed. And the epilogue will be up in a couple days. I should warn you though, it's going to be LONG. But oh well… hope you enjoyed reading as much as I enjoyed writing!!! You guys all rock.


	9. epilogue

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Epilogue

I'm watching them. They're standing around, faces so solemn. I know it's bad and this must be hard for them. They look at me, but can't see me. Of course they can't. After all, I died. To them, I'm merely an empty body that is lying peacefully in the casket before them. I died. Just when I had it all. Gone in the blink of an eye.

They can't see me, but I'm watching. I'll always be watching. Ken is sitting like a zombie. Indigo eyes red-rimmed, face taut- he looks like shit. He looks beautiful. Jun is beside him sniffling now and then. In her lap sits Chibimon. It's funny how he always stays in his little form in the human world. And I'm glad he didn't die with me. Wormmon and Ken will need him now more than ever. A thought comes back to me then. What will happen when he dies? Digimon are reborn after all. But does that mean I'll never see him again? No one knows. Secretly, I've said my good-bye to him but I'm desperately hoping I'll see him again years down the road. Shit- I've got eternity after all. The dragon turns and looks at his partner, Wormmon who is seated on Ken's lap. They share a sad look between them and glance back up at Ken and Jun. The humans offer sad smiles that give little to no consolation. But at least they're trying. The others are here too.

Yamato stands beside Sora. Ignoring his wife completely, his sapphire eyes keep wandering to the huddled form of Taichi. He radiates guilt. I think he knew about his brother, but didn't want to admit it to himself. That's okay though. I don't hold it against him. Tai is quietly crying and holding one of the other few pieces of Digidestined memorabilia- the goggles. When all is said and done, he places them on the casket, kisses his hand and touches them one last time before breaking down into more quiet sobs. Jyou eyes his friend worriedly. I know he's got med supplies readily available in case anyone faints or something. As they all walked out to the plot I heard him whisper how he wished he'd had the time to get to know me better. When he said that I wrapped my arms around him and told him thank you, but I know he didn't hear. Still, he looks comforted now. Koushiro stands beside Jyou. His dark eyes keep wandering over to Jun and the twins who stand behind her. The children look at him curiously. There's this proud smirk on his face that I wish I could just fucking rip right off. But I can't. I'm dead. I can't do anything. Well… I shouldn't say that. I did set a few things in motion.

Hikari and Iori stand together, arms around one another for comfort. Perhaps I was wrong about them. They seem to genuinely love each other. Which is more than I can say for the other married couples present. Good for them. And they don't know it yet, but 'Kari's pregnant. Close to her Jogress partner, Miyako stands like a blade of ice. Seriously, the fucking air gets colder around her. The amount of distress she radiates is uncomfortable, even for me. Glancing at her soon to be ex-husband from time to time she resets her jaw and seems to swear to herself that she's not going to cry. Beside the wicked bitch of Japan stands Takeru. I can't believe he actually had the balls to show up. Little cocksmoker. I still can't believe he set me up. It's all good though, I'll have my revenge. There are police cars pulling up already. What's even better is I think he knows why too. Yeah that's right motherfucker! You're getting busted for Wallace's murder! That's the good thing about Japan- no Miranda rights. Just slap on those cuffs and drag 'em away. Book 'em Dan-O.

Just past where the blond is being hauled off for questioning, I can see Mimi. Strong, beautiful, proud Mimi. And I think that if I had ever liked girls and she had liked guys that I would have married her. Carrying a black rose, she walks up to the others and gives it to Ken before leaning down to kiss his cheek. He looks so grateful for her support. Miyako is still fuming over him loving me more than her. And I know Mimi revealed her own heart to the maroon haired wench- with disastrous results. Still, and not just because I love Mimi dearly, I hope Miya gets a fucking grip. She could be so happy with Mimi, she really could. 

Glancing back at Koushiro I growl even though no one can hear me. Because how indecent is it to flirt with someone else's wife at a friend's funeral? Oh, I'll tell you! It's completely fucking disgusting. Especially that little tongue in cheek gesture Sora's making. Ew. Man, they're just fucking nasty. Yamato and Taichi had a long discussion this morning about making arrangements for after The Bitch (as they like to call her) gets served with divorce papers. Yama doesn't even care if she bleeds him dry. He just hates her so completely and can't even remember if it was a marriage of convenience in the first place. Ha! Good show, Yama. Tai will keep you safe, he'll love you forever. Their eyes meet and the blond nods, moving away from his wife to guide Tai back to the car they came in. Sayonara, BITCH!

Ken stares at them in wonder and gives a soft smile. He knows, of course he does. Not to mention that I know he found the letter I wrote him. He found it this morning when he was putting his coat on. I purposely put it in his formal jacket knowing that was the one he would wear to my funeral. Groovy, ne? He looks at the black rose Mimi gave him, then to Jun, then to Koushiro. Shaking his head, he leans towards my sister and whispers something in her ear. I think he's asking why my parents didn't show up. She replies that they adopted me and thought I was a disgrace- my only redeeming value that I was friends with Ken. He looks put out by that comment but she only waves a hand at him. It doesn't matter anymore anyway, she tells him. And she's right. It doesn't matter. But, what does matter is that he better get off his ass soon. Yeah, I know he needs time to mourn- but he's got to get the fuck out of there. He seems to sense me thinking that and nods. Kissing Jun on the cheek he whispers something to her at length that even I can't hear- but she looks shocked as all hell! Then he kisses her again and gathers Chibi and Wormmon. Giving Koushiro a deadly glare he departs as well. This is good, I know he's got things to take care of. 

Miyako watches Ken leave with a mix of curiosity and regret. Running after him she hesitates for only a moment noticing how irritated he is with her. Stumbling through an apology she says she'll talk to her lawyer and they'll make arrangements regarding the children. Holy god damn. Could it be? Is she really about to reform? It took my death for this to happen? Shit! Why couldn't I have died sooner? Wait, no, that's not right… But Ken gives her a curt nod and says he'll be in touch. Getting in his sleek little car he drives away glancing back now and then to where the others are still lingering. Chibi waves from the back window and I can see his tears. Aw, don't cry little guy. You'll see me soon enough- even if it that means a few years or decades.

Mimi walks up to Miyako and places a tentative hand on her shoulder. When the other woman whirls around I see my beautiful pink haired friend wince. She's expecting a slap or scathing words. Instead, Miya surprises everyone and throws her arms around Mimi before kissing her full on the mouth. Did the sky just turn emerald green? Because I could swear I just saw a pig and a cow fly by- Miyako is a new woman! Wow. There's something you don't see every day. The new couple kisses for a while as the remaining Destined gape at them. They all look so funny. Especially Jun. Then, of course, even she surprises me. Looking back at my casket she stands and gathers her things. Before leaving she leans down and kisses the polished wood whispering a vow of love and a final good-bye to me. Then she looks at the father of her children as she saunters around my coffin. Oh damn- I know what's coming next. Motioning for the twins to follow her she knows she's got everyone's attention, even Miya and Mimi have broken away from Makeout City for this one. Pursing her lips she looks right into Koushiro's eyes. The eyes her children inherited. Then she decks him- I mean she just fucking belts him one. Hard enough that he's on his ass in the dirt. Yeah! Rock on, Jun! Those dark eyes are looking up at her in disbelief. She tells him he better not come near their children- _ever_, under any circumstance. He's nothing but a disgusting pig and he doesn't deserve precious angels like the twins in his life. Oh, and he can shove his money up his ass. Then she walks away the twins on either side of her holding their mother's hands and looking back in wonder. And this is why I love Jun so much. She's fucking hysterical that way.

Of course, the others are all over the redhead like white on rice as soon as my sister is gone. Well, except for Mimi and Miyako. They're following Jun and laughing hysterically. I see them catch up to her and watch Jun collect herself. She scolds Miyako for a moment and watches the other woman look crestfallen. But then she reaches out, touches her face and tells her all is forgiven. Looking at Mimi she makes her promise too keep Miya on the right track. Mimi nods and they hug before all three woman get into separate cars and drive away. Meanwhile, back at the plot…

Jyou is outraged at Koushiro. I mean he's reading him the fucking riot act. Right on, man! Then he turns on Sora and rips her a new one. It takes both Hikari and Iori to calm him down. Finally, declaring himself disgusted he tells them how ashamed they should be, nods to the happily married couple and takes off. Can't say I blame him. I heard his pager go off earlier anyway- he's got lives to save. The Keeper of Light turns back to the remaining two with a look of pure disappointment on her face. She can't even say anything. 'Kari only shakes her head and walks away. Iori follows, but only after telling the last two Destined to consider therapy. Catching up to his wife, he kisses her and I can now see that they honestly love each other. Aw, that's so sweet.

Koushiro and Sora are just sort of hanging around at my casket now and that's kinda morbid if you ask me. They look at one another and agree that they've made a general fucking mess out of everything. They part ways after Koushiro promises to fix things. Too bad he won't ever get the chance. Heh heh, Ken and I have seen to that. But, all in good time. Soon enough he'll realize he's falling down, and he's going to hit hard and be splattered all over the walls. Excellent. Not that I'm violent like that or anything…

Sighing, I decide I'm ready to depart as well. For where? Who fucking knows? I don't know what happens now, but I know Ken will be safe until it's time for him to come to me. And I'll be waiting for him, always. Moving out of the cemetery I head off down the road thinking about how strange all of this is. It literally took my death to set Miyako straight. That makes me sad, but also gives me hope in a way. She and Ken might be able to work things out, if he decides to stick around Japan. Lord knows he's got enough money to go wherever he wants- he needs a vacation too. But he loves his children, so I'm sure he'll be around for them. Everything turned out so strangely, but it seems I wasn't so despised after all. Highly weird on so many different levels and everything happened so fast too. But that's life- a flash in the pan. It's over before you know it.

***

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Ken-

Right now you're sleeping soundly after we've just had the most amazing sex I've ever experienced. Honestly, there is no human being in existence that I have loved more than I love you. You are everything to me- my light, my purity, my love, my faith, my knowledge, my hope, my miracle, my courage, my friend. That's why this is so hard for me to say. Ken, you've got to promise me you'll move on. I don't like the idea any more than you do, trust me. But you've already spent seven years mourning me. Don't waste any more time. Go out there and live your life. However, I should add a little warning label onto that: be careful!

Everyone keeps wondering how I knew what was still going on back home. Well, remember the American Destined, Wallace? You met him when we were all in high school… Anyway, I sent him here and set him up with a job for my old boss so long as he told no one of my whereabouts or how to contact me and kept me informed. This worked out pretty well, since he really did have no fucking clue where I was or how to get in touch with me anyway. But, it seems he also betrayed me- he sided with Takeru and they planned to tag-team it and take me in. But, on a side note, my old boss was overthrown and someone new took his place. Koushiro. Yeah, I know. Crazy, isn't it? Turns out, he's a really vindictive son of a bitch who likes to sleep around and hurt people for fun. Who knew? This upsets me greatly. Especially since he's the father of Jun's children. I don't know if I'll get around to telling you that before I die, but now you know. So yeah, did I mention he likes to hurt people? Watch out for him, Ken. He's got a personal grudge against you like nothing I've ever seen before. The man is hellbent on destroying your life. So, as a head's up I've alerted the authorities. He's done some sketchy shit in his time and will most likely get busted for it. The other yakuza lords don't like him and well, when have you ever known rival bosses to support one another? Yeah, so, don't worry too much about him, but he does have a lot of employees. You might want to leave the country for a bit. I hate telling you that, but better safe than dead. I don't want you joining me until you're ready, Ken.

But, speaking of sketchy things… I killed Wallace, not Takeru. I used Takaishi's knife that had his prints and stabbed him in the heart. No, I'm not proud. But I did what had to be done. I'm sure you know that. If not, Chibimon can explain it to you. He understands- sometimes more than most people do. If you're angry with me, I understand. Just know that I did it because it had to be done. I did a lot of things because they had to be done. Like writing this fucking letter which is making me bawl my eyes out. 

Ken, I love you so much. And I don't ever want to say good-bye to you. But I know I have to. And I plan on explaining this to you. I also know that you'll find this letter on the day of my funeral because you don't wear this coat for anything but funerals. That's so like you. I'm going to miss you, you know. I missed you every day for seven years. No, it was more than that- because Miyako took you away long before then. Every day I was away from you another little piece of me died. The only thing I can hope for is that you'll forgive me for leaving. Please? Eternity sure would suck without you, so I hope you won't be angry with me over that one forever. 

Lastly, I've contacted my lawyer in America. Did you know I wrote out a Last Will & Testament? Well, hey- guess what, I did. I'm an American citizen too. I passed their little test thingy. But that's beside the point. I emailed him and informed him that I would most likely be dead within the next 24 hours. He should be sitting on a plane as I write this. There are some things that will go to you, but the majority of it is for Jun. Just let her know. Also, I cleared all my US bank accounts at the ATM down the street from your apartment. There should be another envelope in the other pocket. You'll find a very hefty sum on money. I know you've got more than enough to go wherever you want to, but I think this will help provide you with a little extra vacation time. By now I'm sure you've looked at it and are thinking that it's actually enough to buy a small village in Europe. You're probably right. But take it. All of it. It's yours. Jun has plenty, and also no reason to take off for a while. I wasn't kidding about Koushiro. He's going to send people after you if he hasn't already. Take the money and run. Well, not run. I mean, you can be a better man than I am. You can tell people you're leaving at least. 

Well, this is it, Ken. My last good-bye to you. I cannot imagine having anyone replace you in my life- or in my death. There is noting else I can say at this point that will make you feel any better. Just know that I'll be waiting for you and I will never stop loving you. I never have stopped and I never will. I love you with all my heart, Ken. See you in about sixty years…

Daisuke

***

He's standing at the counter waiting for the customs officer. The flight was long and his muscles are feeling cramped. But that's to be expected. Removing his sunglasses, he wipes the protein deposits out of his eyes and stretches his neck. Running a hand through his freshly cut hair he smiles a little bit. A reflection on a nearby pane of glass catches his attention. Daisuke would laugh his ass off if he could see him now- hair short, spiky and auburn, eyes covered in cinnamon colored contact lenses. But if someone looks close enough, they'll notice his eyes aren't really brown. That's okay though. That's why he has the sunglasses.

Slipping the glasses back in place, Ken sighs. Thinking about Daisuke now hurts. The pain of his death is still fresh and Ken thinks that it will probably remain so throughout the duration of his life. Daisuke was the only person Ken ever loved. He had cared for his ex-wife but he had never loved her. No one can ever compare to his Daisuke. The perfect, radiant man that finally came home to him only to be taken away again before he could blink. Ken still remembers Daisuke's voice choking…

__

"I love you. Don't ever forget that…"

The sound of the words echoes in Ken's head. He sighs again thinking back to Dai's funeral. How shocked Jun was when he told her he was leaving and why. But he thought she deserved to know. After finding Daisuke's letter that morning, Ken had come to a rapid decision. The letter now sits in his pocket. It still smells like Daisuke and Ken wonders if Dai did something childish- like rub the paper all over his body or something. Only Daisuke would do something like that. Shaking his head, he remembers telling Jun that her children were beautiful and Dai was proud of her before leaving. He heard rumors after that, that she had smacked Koushiro and told him to stuff it. Smiling now, he wonders why she didn't just say that in the first place.

The customs agent has arrived at long last and Ken is being processed. America had always appealed to him. And certainly, Daisuke left him enough money to go wherever he wanted to. Travelling incognito had been Chibimon's idea. He took the digimon to heart since he'd had experience in this before. Pulled out of his reverie, Ken realizes the officer is speaking to him.

"Your name, sir?" The man's face is tired but still stern.

"Oh, sorry," his English is smooth. "Motomiya Daisuke." He smiles at the choice, then thinks. "Forgive me, sir," he apologizes. "It's been a while since I was last overseas and I've been home for so long… It's the other way around- Daisuke Motomiya." Ken had created an all new passport for him and the two digimon to travel with after he'd packed a small bag and hit the road. He left behind notes for Miyako and Jun figuring they would tell the others- well, whomever else they decided should know anyway.

Ken keeps thinking about Daisuke. He's decided to go everywhere he knew Daisuke always wanted to visit. He'll buy cameras and mail the pictures back home. The thought of home hurts a little. Home. That's where Daisuke is… waiting patiently for him. Not in the ground, not in the air… but somewhere. He's there, waiting for Ken.

__

"Just try and live your life. If something happens, then it happens…"

The memory of the gunshot still rings in Ken's head. On certain nights he wakes up thinking he's just heard it again, thinking someone's following him. But no, there's nothing there. He has bodyguards anyway. Two of them. And a guardian angel somewhere out there. Daisuke will protect him. Ken is just glad he can remember the sound of Daisuke's voice.

"Anything to declare?" The customs officer is almost done.

__

"Just promise me…"

"No," he shakes his head. "Nothing." He's cleared and walks through. Grabbing his bag where the digimon are hiding he heads for the door, out into the world.

*************

Okay, so that wasn't as long as I thought it would be. But that's it! Flash is now officially done!!! I've got a side story in mind, but it's not a sequel. Anything else involving Ken or Daisuke for this story will never happen- their parts are done. Anyhoo… hope you all enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it!!! 


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